Putting my dreams to sleep

It's been 6 months since my last blog. I even gave it a new look since it's been so long! So many things happened during that time... 
 
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Our 12^th wedding anniversary, 2 family deaths, birthdays, & weddings have all come and gone in that time. November through January was a very trying time for our family as our daughter's body was caught off guard by a very intrusive, painful illness.  By God's grace though, she has recovered. She is still working on her foot being "normal" again, but we praise God that she is no longer ill!

Last Sunday (March 15) we said goodbye to a great group of friends (family, really) and our church home for the last 5 ½ years, to move to another town we feel called to - Kory's home town of Collinsville, Illinois. 

There is always a back-story to big changes like these...so, stay with me if you will:
When I married my husband Kory, he was a drywall delivery guy during the week, and a professional wrestler on the weekends.   I was working as a temp at a local TV station, and we were struggling to make our new relationship work.  We had very conflicting ideas of what life should be like.

He always dreamed of "making it big" in the wrestling business, which would provide a great income for our family, but would require him to be away from home a lot. 

My dream was to live in the country, on a large piece wooded land, where my husband would come home from work to dinner cooked by his stay-at-home wife, and in the evenings we would sit outside on our big front porch drinking sweet tea, watching 2 little kids run around and play on our beautiful, safe property.  I am in introvert, so that sounded like the “dream life” to me.  Since I was a child, all I really knew about myself was that I was supposed to be a wife and a stay-at-home mom; however, when I met Kory, I knew right away that he had been born for something BIG.  I didn't know what that was exactly since at the time since he was a professional wrestler, but I hoped whatever it was, it would fit into MY dream, and not his. 

Then life happened.  Due to a nerve injury, Kory was forced to take a break from wrestling.  During that time, he discovered some things that he has been missing out on at home - his wife and kids.  And so....he quit.  Just walked away.  And the crazy thing about it, is that he has just been offered a huge wrestling opportunity that could have landed us in Florida, making good money - living his DREAM!  But...he felt like he was supposed to walk away from it all with no real explanation as to why at the time. 

Fast forward some years and we found ourselves moving from Ferguson to Troy, MO.  We didn't really know why we were moving to Troy at the time.  We didn't have family or friends there, but every time we would drive out that direction to look at houses, we just kept feeling a pull to that city.  So, we bought a house - in a subdivision on about 1/4 acre with no trees (go figure). Our kids were 2 and 4 years old at the time (we got the kid part of my dream right!  HA!)
Within a couple of weeks, we found a church - Journey Church - the place that we would make our church home...for the next 5 1/2 years.  During that time, we served...A LOT.  We involved ourselves in everything that was offered.  But our main passion while at Journey was teens. Kory became the "official" youth pastor in 2011.  (If you are wondering how in the world he went from being a wrestler, to a youth pastor at a church, I would LOVE to fill in those gaps for you, but those details are way too long for this specific blog). We spent countless hours with high school students, and we loved every minute of it.  When we became youth pastors, there was a group of teens who were just becoming freshmen, and now, as we are leaving, they are seniors getting ready to graduate! Needless to say, many strong bonds have been formed between our family and many others at the church.  When you spend hours and hours with the same people, they become like family.  Even our children have grown to love it here - this is the only home they have ever known. We absolutely love the people we have been blessed to share life with here in Troy.  That is why leaving this town and a paid church position, to go to another town where we don’t even know where our income is going to come from, to start a ministry within the community – all by ourselves, is completely irrational to most people we talk to. 

Here's what I know.  Sometimes this life just doesn't make sense.  That's just the truth of it.   Sometimes GOD doesn't make sense.  After all, why would He want to take us from a great little town like Troy (and yes I DO think it is a great little town) and all the people we've come to know and love, to move us to a place like Collinsville, IL.  It has never been my "dream" (OR my husband's for that matter) to move there.  In fact, Kory is FROM Collinsville, so how is it that he is about to find himself right back in his home town? Collinsville doesn't have farm land where I could find my dream home.  In fact, the house we are buying is the exact opposite of that.  But the crazy thing is...it's where we are supposed to be.  I believe that with 100% certainty and I'm at peace with what we are going to go do.

WHY??  Because this is not our home anyway!  This is just a stopping place before we get to our "real" home in Heaven.  Of course I'm going to dream of a more beautiful place, where safety and comfort abounds....because I wasn’t made for this world!

Could we move somewhere else instead of IL?  Of course we could!  We have a blank canvas! We could have that 'perfect' house, in the 'perfect' place and somehow justify that decision and claim we are serving God wherever that might be.  But the fact of the matter is, we would be living in disobedience and I can not imagine how unsettling and agonizing it would be to know that we chose OUR dream over God's will for our lives.

1 John 2:16-17 says: For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.  And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Our family has learned so much in the past 5 1/2 years.  Lessons that I now understand were to prepare us for what we are going to go do now. The biggest lesson of all that I have learned since moving to Troy (and I do mean THE biggest) is – SURRENDER.  It’s just one word, but it has been THE hardest lesson I’ve had to walk through.

No matter how hard I try to control my life, no matter how much I scream and cry when God shows me something new to do that doesn’t fit into my idea of comfort, I am brought to the realization every single time that my life does not belong to me like I thought it did. 

And honestly, if you call yourself a Christian (a Christ-follower) then it's the same for you too. We've all heard someone say "It's YOUR life, do what makes YOU happy", right? Well, I can tell you that not everything God asks me to do makes me "happy".  There have been many times that I have cried and pleaded with God over something He's told my family to do, and I don't remember happiness being one of the emotions I was feeling at the time.

The thing is, God wants all of His creation (us) to be with Him, (2 Peter 3:9 says…He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.) and the only way that is going to happen is if we as Christ followers, tell people about His love for them.  While my family could stay where we are, and continue to do what we feel comfortable doing (being youth pastors), God has spoken very clearly to my husband and I that our time here in Troy is over.  We were here for a season...to learn and grow into the people God needs us to be for this next step in our lives and the lives of the people we are going to meet in IL.  We have been called to share God's love with people in a city that I am completely unfamiliar with, but I know that I will soon feel is home just like we felt here in Troy. 

Kory's "dream" hasn’t happen the way he envisioned it.  Neither has mine.  We won't be moving into my "dream home".  My husband will be starting all over in the work force at who knows where, when we get to IL.  Our kids will  be exposed to things that I am “uncomfortable with” in order for us to love the broken and hurting people around us.  But God is reshaping my dreams…into what HE wants them to be - so if that means putting my dreams to sleep for now, then I surrender myself to that.  

One day, when I get to Heaven, I know we will have a beautiful house with all of the things I thought I needed here on earth.  But for now, my dream is to see hurting people experience God’s love in a way they've never experienced before; and I am so very humbled by the fact that He chooses to use an imperfect family like my own, to do just that. 

Losing Control

“It’s dangerous.  I’m too busy.  They need to clean up their own mess.  I’m not getting involved in the chaos.  Racial slur this, racist comment that…..”
The list of excuses just go on and on.
Excuses people give to avoid DOING something.  
I’ve seen countless people post things on social media about the current situation in Ferguson, people who haven’t even ever BEEN to Ferguson, let alone been there during this time of civil unrest. 
I’m not going to give my opinion on the matter of the shooting, because I personally wasn't there.  No one reading this blog was either. 
Here’s the thing.  I grew up in Ferguson.  Lived there for 28 years.  So yeah, I might have different feelings about this situation than someone who has never grown up in a neighborhood like I did.  Today my family (even our 9 & 7 year old) went back to Ferguson.  The same area that you see on TV. Yup, the same streets.  Why? Because there is a need. We went there to pick up trash and to be a positive presence on the street.  We encountered business owners, store workers, protestors, and other locals while we were there.  I can tell you that every single person we spoke to, was kind, spoke of peace, and thanked us (even hugged us) for being there.  There was even a car driving down the street that stopped and gave us bottles of water.  I was even interviewed on camera by an MSNBC reporter, just trying to report the good happening in the area (because there IS good happening). All this was taking place while people lined the streets in peaceful, daytime protest.  Here are some pictures from our time there:




Now that night has fallen, things have changed once again. There is more civil unrest as there has been for the past week.
As I sit here in my “safe” house, in my “safe” neighborhood, I can’t help but feel “unrest” myself.  I am feeling so many emotions right now.  Feelings of sadness, disappointment, frustration….but at the same time, I have feelings of love, thankfulness, and compassion.
“Be careful!” they say….when people hear of other doing something a little “risky”.  I’m pretty sure we aren’t called to “careful” lives.  This is why I re-named by blog.  I’m calling it Recklessly Losing Control.  Why? Because God does not call us to sit in our safe homes and do nothing.  When we know of a need, we should do everything we can to meet it.  And I’m not just talking about Ferguson, there are needs in every community.  But in order to meet the needs of others, we have to first deny ourselves and our own wants.  We have to love others RECKLESSLY. What I know for sure is – THIS LIFE IS NOT ABOUT US. We are here to love God, and love people (know God and make Him known).  THAT’S IT. It’s not about our comfort.  It’s not about our wants.  It’s not even about our safety.  It’s about HIM and what HE wants us to do, no matter how uncomfortable it might make us.  
We have to LOSE CONTROL…..give up.  Surrender to HIS perfect will.  That might mean leaving your “safe” place, and going into a neighborhood that makes you feel a little uncomfortable in order to show God’s love. 
My daughter was singing a song today that she learned in school (which was so appropriate given what we did today). These are the lyrics:
Do you know, Oh Christian, you’re a sermon in shoes? Do you know, Oh Christian, you’re a sermon in shoes? Jesus calls upon you, to spread the gospel news,
So walk it, and talk it. 
Live it, and give it.
Teach it, and preach it. 
Know it, and show it.
A Sermon in Shoes.
Yeah, it’s a kid’s song, but to me it has a lot of meaning today.  People can see Christ in us just by the way we walk, talk, live, & give….
All I did today was sweep up some trash.  It didn’t cost me anything except my time. But I believe people were able to see God’s love just by my family SERVING their neighborhood.  I didn’t even have to say a word. 
My challenge to you – LOSE CONTROL
Ask God what you can do to serve Him and serve others. And then when He shows you something, DO IT. Don’t list all the excuses….just obey.  Get outside of your comfort zone.  There are people hurting…everywhere….from all walks of life.  They are all seeking love.  Let’s put our love into ACTION.

For Goodness Sake

I only blog when I feel like what I have to say is worth others reading; which is probably why I don’t blog much.  But today is one of those days when I feel like I have something worth sharing. 

Lately I’ve been thinking about what it really means to love others.  After all, it made the top two list of commandments: #1 Love the Lord your God and #2 Love your neighbor as yourself.  It sounds so easy when you hear someone say we should “love others”, right? But what does that really look like, and how should those of us who call ourselves Christians live that out?

The command to “love your neighbor” is repeated several times throughout scripture.  In fact, Jesus said that the entire law is fulfilled when that one commandment is obeyed.  (Galatians 5:14)  So I’d say it’s pretty important to make sure we are actually LOVING people!

Its seems like “we” (Americans) spend a lot of time deciding whether or not we should help someone who has a need. Maybe the thought has crossed your mind, “What if they use the money for something they shouldn’t?” or maybe you’ve thought, “Well, they got themselves into this mess, they need to figure a way out” or maybe even, “They won’t learn if people constantly bail them out all the time”.  Or what about, “I’m low on money myself right now, there’s no way I can help them…I’ll just pray for them.”  (all of these are either excuses we can find ourselves using if we aren’t careful).  All of which are very self-centered responses. 

1 John 3:17 says: If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 

People have needs….REAL needs.  Needs can be financial, physical, spiritual, material…but if all we Christians do when we hear about their need is say “oh, I’m sorry to hear that, I’ll be praying for you.”  How does that show a non-believer that we really LOVE them? I understand that we all fall on hard times financially.  That we don’t all have money in abundance to just hand out to people, but we ALL have SOMETHING we can do to help others in need.  Even if we don’t have the finances ourselves to meet a need, we can always ask other believers around us if they might feel called to come together and even combine resources together to make it work.  There is ALWAYS SOMETHING we can do to show people that we really love and care about them, just as we love and care for ourselves. 

Here’s a question to ask yourself.  If Jesus himself told you that he needed some food and some clothing, would your response to him be, “Sorry Jesus, but I’m low on money this week” ? Or would you give him some of your food and clothes?  Or at least hurry up and call some friends until you found someone that could help him out?  I’m sure we would all choose the latter option.  So why is it any different with our neighbors?  We are COMMANDED to love people.  It’s not optional if you call yourself a Christ follower.  Matthew 25:31-46 is exactly what I’m talking about (it’s a bit long, but take a minute to read it)

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with Him, He will sit on His glorious throne.  All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on His left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.

^**For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,  I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.** 

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.  For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

***“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’***

So MOVE!  Do something that matters for the Kingdom! See a need and figure out a way to meet it!  It could be as simple as sending someone a card telling them they are on your mind.  It could be just going and visiting with someone who is lonely.  Maybe you feel led to cook a little extra one night and take some food to someone who wouldn’t be able to eat otherwise.  You never know what meeting someone’s need could do for them.  By experiencing Christ’s love for them first hand through YOU, they could come to know Him for themselves. 

There is someone out there right now, praying for a miracle.  Praying, or just simply hoping against all hope that their need will be met.  Perhaps YOU are one that God is calling upon to be His hands and feet. 

For goodness sake…LOVE.

Fellowship of the Unashamed

I found this writing in a pile of Bible notes that I have had for years and decided I must share it with all of you.  While there seems to be some discrepancies of who the author is, the story I would like to go with is that an African missionary was martyred for his faith and this was found tacked on his wall. No matter who wrote it, it’s worth posting. It’s powerfully written and I hope you find it to be just what you need today. Here it is:

I’m part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I’m a disciple of Jesus. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I’m finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problems recognizing me – for my banner is clear!

I am part of the “Fellowship of the Unashamed”.

Say What??

When you attend most any church, what is one of the first things that the service always begins with? Music, or a “time of worship”.  I’m sure most people know that there are other ways to worship God, but it seems that music is one of the fastest ways we as humans are able to connect and focus in on God. 

Music is powerful, so it just makes sense to start a church service with music.  Lately though, God has really been working in my heart during those times (at church and at home). Worship for me is a big deal.  It’s a time when I can tune out the rest of the world, and solely focus on my creator – what He wants to say to me, and sometimes, what I need to say to Him.  I take the words to the songs very seriously.  I don’t sing words that I don’t mean…afterall, I use those words to bring me into a conversation with the almighty God.  So, lately I have been really focusing on the words to a few songs, and then I wondered….are other people around me really thinking about what we are singing??  Or are these just catchy songs that stir up different emotions that everyone is just singing together? Here are 3 songs that have really hit me lately with some truth. I’m just going to write some of the lyrics that have really played a part in snapping me into reality:

The first one is – Pursuit:

When we sing those lyrics, do we really understand what we are asking God to do??  We are asking Him to strip EVERYTHING away, until all we have is HIM.  Do you know how painful that process could be?  Where that could lead us? What things or people we might have to purge from our life? That is a big and BOLD thing to ask God to do in us.  Do we REALLY want Him to strip EVERYTHING away that is standing in the way of HIS will for our lives?

And then there is - Oceans:

It says “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me.”

What does it mean to trust without borders??  To me, it would mean that I would have to step out into the unknown, into a place that I have no control of myself, into a place or situation that would cause me to cling ONLY to my God. And that I might be asked to do things that I’m quite frankly uncomfortable with!  “Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander; and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” Do we really want God to take us deeper than our feet could ever wander on our own, knowing that it will test our faith in the process?? 

The last song is “All I need is You”.  That is really all that song says, repeatedly, over and over.  IS God ALL we really NEED??  Have we gotten to the point as a church where we know this to be true?  That no matter what circumstances come our way, no matter how hard life gets, no matter what “bad” comes our way, we know that ALL we need is Him. 

I can honestly say that I have gotten to a place in my own personal relationship with Jesus, that I CAN now sing each of these songs and mean what I’m singing with everything that I am.  I still struggle at times with asking Him to strip everything away that might be preventing His will for my life; but I just keep giving him my fears and concerns, knowing that He is bringing me through a teaching process.  And I am finding that in the surrender it gets easier and easier to rely on Him. The reason that I can sing these lyrics now and know that I mean them is because my God has proven Himself to be faithful to me over and over AND over again.  He has never left me. And I can say with confidence that I know He never will.  Even if I were to lose my entire family, or everything that I owed…I know that God is still on His throne, and still loving me through it all. 

My challenge to whoever reads this would be to really think about the words of the songs you sing.  Music is powerful and so are the words we speak and sing.  Ask God to reveal Himself to you in a whole new way.  Don’t be afraid to worship Him in whatever way you feel.  If you need to put your hands up, do it.  If you need to get on your knees, do it.  If you need to stand in silence, do it.  We are free to worship in whatever way we want, and I encourage you to do just that – to connect to your creator, perhaps in a way you never have.  And be honest with yourself and Him (He already knows your thoughts anyway). He is always there, with arms wide open.  We just have to run into them. 

11 Lessons in 11 Years

11 years….That’s about 132 months, 572 weeks, and 4,015 days!

This is us in 2002 (a few days after we met)

February 8, 2003 I married the man I had just met. We had only known each other for six months before our wedding day. To the world, that might have seemed like a crazy thing to do (and they might have been right). But, God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought us together, and when He gave us the “ok” to move so quickly. Over the last 11 years, we have been through so many crazy things together. We have laughed, cried, fought, made up, had 2 kids, went through 7 cars, had 3 dogs, 2 homes, attended 3 churches, we have shared happiness and loss….

Our Wedding Day

Through it all, I have learned so much. More than I could possibly write in this blog; but I decided to write about 11 things that marriage has taught me over the past 11 years.

I have learned:

1. It’s ok to marry someone that is the complete opposite of you. For some reason, people think that if they can say “we have soooo much in common” that is what determines if someone is a good match for them. And that is simply not a mandatory pre-requisite for marriage. You can still find commonalities if you put in the work. As long as you have your faith in common, all the other little details really don’t matter.

2. Being a parent is HARD work, especially when you have children shortly after you are married and are still learning what that even means. Throw a baby into the mix, and things get really interesting. I was blessed with a man who shares my parenting views! Because of that, we have been a huge support to each other as we parent our children.

3. Finances are tricky, budgeting is tough, and credit cards are of the devil! Ha! We started our marriage in debt, but within 5 years, we were completely debt-free and were able to buy a home without any other debt. That’s what happens when you do it God’s way. We have always given to Him first, and He has been faithful to get us through every financial obstacle we have ever encountered.

4. Very quickly after you get married, the person who used to only see you at your best will become the only person who is allowed to see you at your worst. Whether it’s a fever, vomitting, snotting… your spouse is the one person who will see you in this very unflattering state and will still continue to love you through it all. My husband has watched me go through all sorts of illnesses and has always been there to help me through each unexplained one. In sickness and in health we are there for each other.

5. Your relationship must be built to outlast the kids! You create romance, where and when you can, and life isn’t always romantic. Car trouble, an over-flowing toilet, and electricity bills are not romantic. Neither are two kids who are only quiet when they are sleeping. You have to be intentional in spending time together – just the two of you. In a marriage the kids should NOT be your #1…It should be your relationship with God, then your spouse, THEN the kids; because when the kids are grown, you will need to have a close, intimate relationship with your spouse.

6. I am my biggest problem. It is all too easy to point the finger when things aren’t going my way. If I remember that I am a sinner in need of God’s constant mercy and grace, my entire perspective shifts. Instead of digging out splinters in my husband’s eye, I must first address the log in my own.

7. When Christ is the center, everything else falls into place! There have been times of financial struggle, trying physical circumstances, and painful moments of loss and grief. Yet I’ve been so blessed to find that as we seek the Lord first, our bond with each other grows stronger, and God mercifully supplies all of our needs. Time in the Word, and prayer (both separately and as a couple) is crucial.

8. Have FUN with each other! It’s easy to get into an everyday routine of life and forget to laugh and have fun. It’s ok to joke with each other and act like kids again!

9. Marriage is a ministry. Not only is marriage a ministry to your spouse (the more you love your spouse the way God loves us, the more solid your marriage becomes), but it is a ministry to the world around you. I know now that God brought my husband and I together to serve Him and others - together. How awesome that I get to serve along side my husband, doing whatever God calls us to do, as a TEAM! I couldn’t imagine serving with anyone else!

10. I have learned to “cleave” (and cleave hard!) to my husband! Genesis 2:24 says “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The word cleave means: to stick fast to, to adhere strongly to. I have learned throughout the years, that while good friends are a blessing, they aren’t mandatory when you have a healthy marriage. When you marry someone, the two of you become ONE and you are each other’s best friend. I can honestly say I don’t have many friends. I don’t have friends that I share intimate details of my life with. I share those things solely with my husband. We know we can trust each other, and we know we have each other’s best interest at heart. It’s a really good feeling to know I will ALWAYS have someone I can trust, count on, and share with…for the rest of my life.

11. Lastly, I have learned that with God ALL things are possible. No matter what life throws as us, our marriage CAN and WILL weather each storm, by God’s grace…and only by His grace.

While so much has happened in the last eleven years, the time has flown by. I pray I never take for granted the amazing man God has given me, the children that have made our house a home, and the love that we share as a family. I can’t wait for the next 11 years!

I love you, Kory Kimbrell!

Here are some pictures of us throughout the years:

2004

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

2012

Ready or not!!!

I’m sure almost every American knows that phrase from the childhood game of hide and seek. It’s a phrase that usually accompanies happiness, laughter and squeals of joy.  But this past week, I heard it said by my husband and it brought on a whole new set of feelings and emotions. 

I was recently asked to be one of 4 speakers at a women’s event at our church. While I am NOT a fan of public speaking, (you could more accurately describe me as having a FEAR of public speaking) I willingly said YES.  When I got off the phone, I thought to myself “What in the world did you just agree to, Amy!” All I really had was a message title and a vague idea of what I should speak on. 

I immediately began to pray and seek God, asking Him to help me to know exactly what HE wanted me to talk about.

I began scribbling notes down here and there (and everywhere), when a thought would pop into my head.  A few days before I was supposed to speak, I was still struggling with what I was even going to talk about.  I had crossed so much out, that I was left with almost nothing.  I went to my husband (who I admire for his ability to speak and communicate God’s word) and asked if he could help me organize my thoughts (at this point, my notes and thoughts were so scatterbrained that I was getting worried that I wasn’t going to make any sense when I got up to speak).  He told me to calm down, that it would all work out. He gave me some tips on how to write out my notes. So I scrapped what I had and started ALL OVER.   This time when I sat down to write, I felt God’s presence immediately take over.  I was able to write something that made sense!  Perfect sense!  I knew God was giving me exactly what to say. 

My notes were ready, and I had my story.  I read what I had to Kory and he assured me that it all made sense.

The night of the event, my nerves really kicked into high gear.  I went to my husband again for reassurance.  Instead of the reassuring words I was hoping for, he said “Babe, ready or not, it’s happening, you can’t escape it!”  Those words felt like a kick in the gut. I couldn’t turn back now!  I couldn’t call up our women’s leader and say “sorry, I don’t feel comfortable speaking after all.  Nope! This was it.  It was time…time to face my fear and share exactly what God has laid on my heart.  I prayed all the way to church, asking God to help me to communicate what He had given me, but more importantly, I prayed that someone (even just ONE lady) would be encouraged by my message. 

When it was my turn to speak, I felt at ease and all of my nerves seemed to fade away.  Since that night, I have had several women come to me and thank me for my message.  God DID work through me, even with my fears and doubts!  It’s crazy really, because I know He never leaves me or lets me down, so I don’t know why I was expecting anything less.  All glory goes to HIM.

Now, back to the “ready or not” phrase. 

I believe it applies to us as Christians. I believe that we are given so many opportunities to share with others, to serve and love and give, that we sometimes let those opportunities slip right through our hands.

Each one of us has a choice of whether or not to follow God's will for our lives. If we choose to reject God's will then He will find someone else to do it and we will suffer the consequences for our disobedience. 

Take Esther for example,

Esther obeyed the will of God without any thought for her life. She could have very easily attempted to preserve her own life, but instead she pushed aside thoughts of her own safety for the good of her people. She submitted to God's will for her life and God used her in a great capacity because of it.
Whatever God's will is for our lives, we need not shy away from it! God will provide us with the tools we need to do His will. If we will merely submit to Him, He will make it possible for us to accomplish whatever He calls us to do.

2 Timothy 4:2 (NLT) says: Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not.

Blessings!

-Amy 

A year’s worth of “hurry”

Certain personality types require every minute to be accounted for.  One might feel the need to constantly be checking things off a “to do” list, or feel an urgency to immediately give an account to the electronic world by instantly answering texts, emails, social media alerts.  This past year I found myself falling into that trap – the trap of distractions. 

I found myself constantly rushing everyone (especially my children).  I caught myself saying things like:

“hurry up and eat”

“why must you take so long getting dressed?”

“hurry up and get in the car, we’re going to be late!”

With my personality type, I find it necessary to be on time and have every aspect of my life in order.  The only problem is, it’s not just me that lives in my house.  I have been blessed with family members who live life a bit more “leisurely” than I do. This is especially true for my 8 year old daughter, who at times I feel purposefully moves in slow motion just to see how I will react.  This past year I found myself getting very frustrated when things weren’t moving along in the time frame that I felt they needed to. 

One day recently, my kids and I were driving home from visiting some family we hadn’t seen in quite awhile, when I had an overwhelming “God experience” in the car.  I was suddenly driving at the exact time that God had decided to paint the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen.  My kids were happy in the backseat, playing their games, when I told them to turn them off and look at artwork around them.  I explained to them how God took the time to paint the sky just for us!  They were amazed.  It seemed like the “painting” kept changing minute by minute.  I handed my phone back to my daughter and had her snap some photos of the beauty.  I know that the pictures don’t do it justice, but at least you will get an idea of what we were seeing on the drive home that evening:

 

Somehow through watching that sunset, God reminded me of the importance of the PEOPLE He has placed in my life and that they deserve my focus more than all of the other things that fight for my attention.  I still believe it is important to be reliable, & on time for things, however I have learned that people won’t always be there. I have had a substantial amount of loss in my life, so it’s interesting to me how easy it is to still lose focus on what truly matters. 

So, while I could list all of the things I would like to do differently this year, I want my focus to instead to be on the people that I hold so dear to me.  In 2014, I resolve to slow down, let my kids take an extra minute or two (because in reality that’s all it every really is), and just live…in every moment of every day.  I know what they say is true, kids grow up so fast.  I’m already seeing that in my own two.  I want to hold on to these moments I have with them as long as I can; and this year, I refuse to let the busyness of schedules and my own agenda get in the way of experiencing each blessing God has for us, whether big or small! Speaking of blessings….here are the ones that I hold dearest to my heart.  Of course there are others, but these are the ones that have been with me through life’s ups and downs…

My two B-E-A-U-tiful kids

   The most PATIENT man I know, my sweet husband

My dad & step mom who have always been willing to rearrange their own schedules just to spend time with us. And when they are with my children, they help to affirm what Kory and I are teaching them at home about God and life.   

This year, I will live in the moment….

If only I had been born in a jungle!

First of all, it has been waaay too long since I’ve blogged. The main reason is because my son’s laptop decided to call it quits and so he has been using mine during the day for school. By the time I get it back, there just isn’t enough time left in the day to do much writing. I’ve actually been working on this blog for several weeks, and just haven’t been able to sit down long enough to finish a complete thought. But, tonight is the night I finish it! (Hopefully my kids keep the peace long enough for me to concentrate.) This may be a little long, but I think if you take the time to read it, you might appreciate at least one thing I’m going to say.

Now, on to the jungle thing. Sometimes I feel like things would be a lot easier to figure out if I had been born in a jungle. Yep…I said it…a jungle, with NO people around (besides my parents of course to bring me into the world).

Let me explain. I grew up in a Christian home. My parents both loved Jesus and talked about Him in our home every chance they got. Prayer was very much a part of our everyday lives as a family. In fact, I accepted Jesus as my personal savior about the age of 4. I still remember coming home from Sunday school one afternoon, and when I was by myself, I “asked Jesus into my heart”. My dad read the Bible (or another kid’s Bible story book) to me almost every day as far back as I can remember. We went to church every time the doors were open. I attended a Christian school from grades K-12. I knew all the kid songs about Jesus, all the church hymns, and all the “praise & worship” songs. We even sang them in our home. My childhood was more than I could have asked for, and overall, my church experience was a positive one as well.

So why the thoughts of jungle living? Well, to understand why I must continue. For some reason, growing up, I struggled with feeling secure in my salvation. I’m not saying I’ve ever doubted that salvation exists, but I have had a very hard time grasping one thing – God’s grace.

I actually have memories of lying in my bed at night as a little girl, and praying this prayer – “Dear Jesus, please forgive me for any sins I’ve done today, even the sins I might have forgotten about or can’t remember. Please forgive me because I want to go to Heaven and be with you one day.”

I remember praying that prayer daily because I didn’t want Jesus to come back without me asking Him to forgive me for everything I “might” have done.

Recently, I started thinking back on that time in my life, and I started wondering why I used to pray that prayer. I know it wasn’t what I was taught at home, and I’m pretty positive I wasn’t taught that idea at my school or church.

Most people that know me, know that I homeschool my 2 kids. They are currently using the same curriculum I grew up using – ABeka. They use ABeka’s online Academy, and actually watch videos of a real class with a real teacher from the main headquarters in Florida. Each day, my kids start their day off with Bible class. In the class they sing songs, pray, and listen to the teacher tell them a Bible story as she relates it to their lives.

One morning, I was in Zoe’s room getting some of her worksheets together when I hear her teacher say something about asking Jesus to forgive us of our sins….and that we need to ask Him to forgive us every day for things that we might have done wrong. Zoe immediately paused her class and asked me “Mom, does that mean if I forget to ask God to forgive me of something I do wrong today, I won’t go to Heaven if I die tonight!?”

Obviously, I explained to Zoe that sin is a willful transgression against God (James 4:17). And that only HE knows her heart. I explained again what it means to accept God’s grace and forgiveness and what it means to repent from our sins and ask Him to help us live for Him. After our conversation, I could tell she was completely relieved and had a better understanding of God’s grace.

Then it hit me! That is the SAME question I had growing up, but for some reason, I never went to MY parents to get clarity! UGH! I SOO wish I would have, because I have sure struggled with that one for a long time.

Somehow I grew up feeling like a slave to the “law”. I knew all the “Dos and don’ts” and for the most part followed them all for fear that God wouldn’t see me as “saved”. I felt like I was always seeking His “approval”.

Recently, I was reading Galatians and found myself just mulling over it and reading it again and again and again. It just came to life to me all over again. Verses that I had heard and read before just jumped out of the pages at me! There are only 6 chapters in Galatians (which by the way you should totally read when you get a chance!) but there is so much good stuff in those 6 chapters! Here are some things that really stood out to me:

I’m going to mix a few verses together here, but they start in Gal 2:16 – We Christians know that we become right with God, not by doing what the law commands, but by faith in Jesus Christ…for no one will ever be saved by obeying the law. Vs 19: For when I tried to keep the law, I realized I could never earn God’s approval. So I died to the law so that I might live for God…for if we could be saved by keeping the law, then there was no need for Christ to die.

WHAT?! I KNOW I’ve read this before, but I guess I just never understood what this really means. It’s like the light bulb finally went on! This is good news! I still believe we ARE to follow what God commands us to do and live in a way that bring glory and honor to Him, however I feel like now I have a much better understanding of what God’s GRACE really looks like.

Gal 5 goes on to say something else crazy. It says: Who has interfered with you to hold you back from following the truth? It certainly isn’t God, for He is the one who called you to freedom. But it takes only one wrong person among you to infect all the others – a little yeast spreads quickly through the whole batch of dough!

Just like Zoe’s teacher’s one statement (which by the way was very well intentioned and correct after I re-listened to the whole lesson) confused her and made her question what she (at her young age of 8) knows to be true, it dawned on me, the same thing happened to me. Because I grew up around so many people that taught me about God, I’m certain that at some point in time something one of them said brought on my confusion. It’s almost like sometimes we have too many voices in our life. Sometimes so many people speaking at once can cause more confusion than I’m sure none of them had intended on causing. Things bring me to the idea that jungle life would have been a LOT easier.

I sometimes think about the people who have never heard the gospel preached, yet are able to look at nature around them and see that there is a creator. I’m certain there are those people who are able to have a relationship with God through just observing what is around them and knowing deep inside them that there is something or someone bigger out there. And I like to just imagine how completely raw and organic and amazing their relationship with Him must be. No religious talk around them. No one trying to tell them all the rules they should follow and how they should live their live, or even what someone else’s opinion of salvation is. Maybe just maybe, THEY are the ones who have the closest, most honest relationship with Him.

I know we can’t “undo” things we’ve heard, but I have actually prayed that God give me a NEW mindset, NEW thoughts, and a NEW understanding of His love and mercy and grace. One of the last verses in Galatians says this (and it’s one of my favorites!)

“From now on, don’t let anyone trouble me with these things, for I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus!” (Gal 6:17)

That’s good stuff. I hope you find peace in knowing that no matter what you’ve done, and no matter how many times you’ve sinned against God, He forgives you! If you are born again, it’s that simple – YOU BELONG TO JESUS and nothing you do can take that away!

A new beginning!

A week ago today, on August 5th, we began a new school year!  Jaxon started 1st grade, and Zoe started 3rd. I cannot believe how fast time is flying by!

On the first day, Kory and I prayed together with the kids for their day, and for the year we were about to enter.  Kory asked them what they wanted to do differently this year.  Zoe said that she wants to try harder.  Such a simple answer, but such a good one!  I think we can all agree that we need to try harder at times.  I know sometimes being a stay-at-home mom can become mundane. It’s easy to feel like the grass might be greener on the outside of the home. It is my prayer that I will TRY HARDER this school year to be a better teacher, mom, wife, and woman! To stay focused.  To spend more time in the Word and in prayer. To keep my eyes on the big picture - to raise these amazing kids and teach them all they need to know to function on their own.  And most importantly, to know and love God!

Here are some pictures highlighting our first day:

Happy Breakfast!

Jaxon (6) Zoe (8)

 

Looking forward to what this year will bring!

Happy Homeschooling!

Putting garbage in it’s place

Recently, our trash company changed the day they pick up our trash, and the containers we put it in.  My family recycles, and up until now, we have had 2 small recycling containers that have never been large enough for the amount of recycling we have.  Every week, we would always have an overflow of items that wouldn’t fit into the recycling containers…until now.  We now have a LARGE rolling cart that hold everything!  There is never a need to find another place for the garbage!  I love it!  Why am I telling you this?  Well, you see…garbage in itself isn't bad. Garbage dumped in the wrong place - that's bad.
Sometimes there's way too much garbage that gets dumped where it should never go - in the hearing, in the lives of people who have no business getting the “overflow” of our garbage as we complain about our lives.
One big problem with our complaining is that it focuses on what's frustrating us and it forgets the big picture. When we just look at the irritations and the frustrations in front of us, we lose our perspective, we blow today's little messes way out of proportion, and we forget the larger picture of the great things God's doing in our lives. We miss the big picture!
God isn't expecting us just to ignore our frustrations, or bury our frustrations. He just wants us to dump them out in the right place, which David tells us about in Psalm 142:1 , "I pour out my complaint before Him; before Him I tell my trouble." Bring your complaints and frustrations straight to God. First, He's not going to be hurt by them. He's not going to be poisoned by them like the people around you will. Secondly, He can do something about them much more than the people around you can do.
Now, we all go through some garbage in our lives, and it's true we often need a place to dump that garbage. God has offered us a wonderful place to do that - at His feet.
Be careful not to pollute the environment around you. :)

You want me to give up WHAT?!

I haven’t told many people about this, but I feel like now is the time to talk about it.  Recently our church took part in a 40 day fast. As I was getting ready for the fast to start, I began praying that God would show me what He wanted me to give up.  I knew He wanted me to give up something BIG, but I wasn’t sure what at the time.  One day, I was praying that God would take away a migraine I was having and He spoke very clearly to me, telling me I needed to fast MEDICINE….ALL medicine.  I remember actually answering God back with a “wait, what did You just say?!  Are You SUUURRRE You said what I think You just said?!” 

Some back story: For the past 24 years I have relied on various types of medications for migraines. It’s gotten to the point that nothing works anymore, except one particular medicine that I can always count on to come through for me.  Throughout my life, I’ve seen doctor after doctor and have been given one hopeless diagnosis after another.  I had gotten to the point where I just gave up – excepting that my life will always be one of sickness.

It finally hit me, I’ve been relying on and putting my trust in medicine, and doctor’s opinions, instead of fully relying on GOD to HEAL me.

So, I did it….I gave up ALL medicine for 40 days!  Not even a Tylenol! It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure, but I serve an amazing God who kept showing himself faithful to me over and over and giving me the strength to get through each day.  I also have an awesome husband who encouraged me to keep going when all I wanted to do was give in an take the medicine that I knew would end my pain. He even wrote Bible verses on note cards and taped them to the wall beside my bed so that I could be reminded of God’s faithfulness and His healing power every time I was battling sickness.

At the end of the 40 days, I prayed again, and felt like God was not yet releasing me from the fast…so I kept going, not knowing how long it would be before I stopped the fast. Obviously there was a lesson in all of this I was supposed to be learning, and as the days past, I started seeing what that lesson was. When I reached the 70 day mark, I got another migraine.  This time, I began praying about whether or not to take my migraine meds again.  This was the first time I had asked God in the whole 70 days if it was okay to start them again.  For some reason I felt led to look up the Biblical meaning of the number 70.  When I did I was surprised to find this: Just as the number seven denotes perfection, maturity and completion, the number seventy denotes an entire period or a full state.

It had been 70 days since I have taken any meds! I felt like God was showing me that my sacrifice was complete.  That I had done what I needed to do – fully rely on HIM.

While I am still having migraines, I feel like I have a new outlook on life, a refocused faith. I guess after all the years of having the same mindset, I needed to be awakened, renewed, refocused. 

While I do feel like it is okay to take my medicine now, I will never again become so dependent on it like I was before.  I have learned to go to God FIRST for my help.  Throughout the past 70 days, I have learned that while doctors serve a purpose in our life at times, the only voice I want speaking into my life in regards to my migraines from now on is – GOD.  He created me, and HE is the only one who knows me inside and out. 

I am still expecting a total healing from Him, but until that day comes that He sees fit to heal me, I  know that my patience and reliance on Him will continue to grow. Sometimes it takes us making a drastic change in our life to bring our focus back to what is really important - our obedience to Christ and our devotion to Him.

“Emotions Don’t Have Brains.”

Patsy Clairmont said that at a Women’s Conference and I really liked it!

Sometimes it's easy to let our emotions rule us, letting our will for our lives exceed God's.  As I woman, I especially struggle with my emotions at times.

Some verses came to mind today when I was thinking about how we can overcome our”self”.  I’m a HUGE fan of scripture.  I have found that no matter what I’m going through or struggling with, I can turn to the Word for answers and direction.

In cases where others actions are causing us to have negative feelings, Eph 4 says: Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each others faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

In cases where we just want our way, and selfishness creeps in, Galatians 5:16-27 says:  So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.

I guess this all goes back to my previous post, about being selfless.  I guess that’s a huge theme of the Bible after all, right?  Jesus called us to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him!  He tells us to have self control, grace for others, forgiving hearts….

We have to be careful not to spread our negative emotions to others…

We have been called to live in FREEDOM, even freedom from ourselves! We just have to live in that freedom!

Happy Wednesday everyone!  Be blessed!

My name is Amy Kimbrell & I am SECOND!

This past week I had the privilege of going to camp with our youth group!  This was the first year I was able to go and I was excited beyond words!

Getting on the bus (see, told you I was excited…the moment was picture worthy!)

The speaker at the camp was Jason Petty:

  aka: “Propaganda”

The theme of the week was: SELFLESS

Sometimes it’s so easy to get used to hearing the same thing over and over that we stop really listening.  This wasn’t a new topic for me…I’ve heard many messages preached about this before, but when this week started, I prayed that God would show me something new and reveal Himself in a NEW way to me….and He did. 

Propaganda said something that really stuck out to me.  He said “At the foot of the cross the ground is even.”  My goodness, that’s good stuff!  That means that no matter what our past is, no matter what kind of upbringing we’ve had, when we come to Jesus, we are all the same.  It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known Jesus either! Just because someone might have known Jesus their whole life, that doesn’t mean they are “more good” than someone who just met Him. 

He preached on the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15 (which was really great).  Then the last night He talked about 3 things we can do to be selfless:

1.  Give with no strings attached

(Are you ok with giving to someone without getting anything in return?)

2. Desiring the best for others

(Can you genuinely rejoice when someone else succeeds?)

3. Mourn with those who mourn

(Can you really walk with others through their pain?)

I guess the thing I really took from the week was how important it is to view others like Jesus does, understanding that He sees all of us the same, no matter what stage of life we are in.  I feel like once we understand that, it’s a lot easier to think of others more highly than ourselves.

It’s easy to get into a mindset where we dwell on what WE want, what’s important to US, OUR hurts, OUR wants. When someone offends us, we suddenly feel like WE “deserve” something, that the world should suddenly revolve around US and OUR needs. 

What we should be doing is praying that God would help us to see everyone the same, not putting our needs above anyone else’s.  Everyone is going through something. People fail us, but real maturity comes when we can put ourselves aside and put others first.  What is your motive (why do you do what you do)?

John 3:30 says: HE must become greater; I must become less.

It’s all about perspective. Sometimes it’s hard to set aside our own feelings and emotions in order to view the world through someone else’s eyes.   The more we understand that our time on earth is shorter than our time in eternity, the more our perspective will change. 

Luke 9:23 (the voice)-  If any of you want to walk My path, you’re going to have to deny yourself. You’ll have to take up your cross every day and follow Me.

Here are some pictures from camp, just for fun:

And here is a video: (click below)

Day 1 of camp

Guns & Corndogs

Weird title huh? Speaking of weird.  I looked up the definition of the word "WEIRD", and used as a noun, it actually means “a person’s destiny”! 
What does this have to do with guns and corndogs? Well, let me tell you. 

Today I took my kids to Sonic to get a slushy and Jaxon’s favorite – a corndog (healthy, I know).  While we were waiting, I saw a man walk up and sit at a table and I immediately noticed that he was carrying a gun – very openly, on his belt. I too have a license to carry a gun, but I always conceal mine for fear that someone will see it and decide to make an issue out of it.  For some reason, I had the urge to go up to the man and tell him how much I appreciated his boldness.  Weird, right?  I didn’t know the guy, but I just felt the need to tell him that.  He said thank you, and we both went about our day.  Later, my kids asked me why I went up and talked to a stranger.  My explanation to them was this:
Throughout the years, I have learned (and am still learning) that when God puts something on your heart to do, you DO IT.  Now, I didn’t necessarily feel like GOD was telling me to go talk to that man about his gun, but it was something out of my comfort zone for sure!  I didn’t even tell the man about Jesus in those few seconds, I just felt the need to tell him that his boldness was noticed and appreciated.  Who knows why. It wasn’t even about the gun, really…it was just the fact that I saw someone being BOLD about something they believe in!  He may not have even known the Lord, but he was living out boldness.  Which made me really stop and think about what we as Christ-followers are called to be – Bold, and not just bold, WEIRD. So many verses rush into my mind when I think about this:
2 Timothy 1:7 – For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, and of LOVE, and of a sound mind!
Romans 1:16 – For I am not ashamed of the Good News about Jesus Christ!  Is the the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes.
Proverbs 28:1 – The wicked run away when no one is chasing them, but the godly are as BOLD as lions!
Deuteronomy 31:6 (MSG) Be strong. Take COURAGE. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.

I could go on and on sharing scriptures that came to my mind when thinking about our responsibility as Christians – to be bold and spread the love of Jesus. I hear people say all the time “I don’t know what my purpose is…”  Well, I DO!  If you are a Christ-follower, your purpose is to share the Good News with the world - boldly, and unashamed!  This brings me back to the word WEIRD: a person’s destiny.  We are called to be weird!  To live outside our comfort zones, to do something crazy, outside the box for God – no matter how WEIRD it looks to the world.  God works in unconventional ways – I have learned this to be true in my own life. 

As you go out into the world, whether it be at a job, at home, at the store…if God speaks to your heart and tells you to do something, DO IT!  It may not make sense to you (and most of the time it doesn’t) but if God is telling you to do it, there is a reason and you can be sure that HE will get the glory.  Be bold, be courageous, be BRAVE! Be Weird.