Recklessly Losing Control: 11 Lessons in 11 Years

11 years….That’s about 132 months, 572 weeks, and 4,015 days!

This is us in 2002 (a few days after we met)

February 8, 2003 I married the man I had just met. We had only known each other for six months before our wedding day. To the world, that might have seemed like a crazy thing to do (and they might have been right). But, God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought us together, and when He gave us the “ok” to move so quickly. Over the last 11 years, we have been through so many crazy things together. We have laughed, cried, fought, made up, had 2 kids, went through 7 cars, had 3 dogs, 2 homes, attended 3 churches, we have shared happiness and loss….

Our Wedding Day

Through it all, I have learned so much. More than I could possibly write in this blog; but I decided to write about 11 things that marriage has taught me over the past 11 years.

I have learned:

1. It’s ok to marry someone that is the complete opposite of you. For some reason, people think that if they can say “we have soooo much in common” that is what determines if someone is a good match for them. And that is simply not a mandatory pre-requisite for marriage. You can still find commonalities if you put in the work. As long as you have your faith in common, all the other little details really don’t matter.

2. Being a parent is HARD work, especially when you have children shortly after you are married and are still learning what that even means. Throw a baby into the mix, and things get really interesting. I was blessed with a man who shares my parenting views! Because of that, we have been a huge support to each other as we parent our children.

3. Finances are tricky, budgeting is tough, and credit cards are of the devil! Ha! We started our marriage in debt, but within 5 years, we were completely debt-free and were able to buy a home without any other debt. That’s what happens when you do it God’s way. We have always given to Him first, and He has been faithful to get us through every financial obstacle we have ever encountered.

4. Very quickly after you get married, the person who used to only see you at your best will become the only person who is allowed to see you at your worst. Whether it’s a fever, vomitting, snotting… your spouse is the one person who will see you in this very unflattering state and will still continue to love you through it all. My husband has watched me go through all sorts of illnesses and has always been there to help me through each unexplained one. In sickness and in health we are there for each other.

5. Your relationship must be built to outlast the kids! You create romance, where and when you can, and life isn’t always romantic. Car trouble, an over-flowing toilet, and electricity bills are not romantic. Neither are two kids who are only quiet when they are sleeping. You have to be intentional in spending time together – just the two of you. In a marriage the kids should NOT be your #1…It should be your relationship with God, then your spouse, THEN the kids; because when the kids are grown, you will need to have a close, intimate relationship with your spouse.

6. I am my biggest problem. It is all too easy to point the finger when things aren’t going my way. If I remember that I am a sinner in need of God’s constant mercy and grace, my entire perspective shifts. Instead of digging out splinters in my husband’s eye, I must first address the log in my own.

7. When Christ is the center, everything else falls into place! There have been times of financial struggle, trying physical circumstances, and painful moments of loss and grief. Yet I’ve been so blessed to find that as we seek the Lord first, our bond with each other grows stronger, and God mercifully supplies all of our needs. Time in the Word, and prayer (both separately and as a couple) is crucial.

8. Have FUN with each other! It’s easy to get into an everyday routine of life and forget to laugh and have fun. It’s ok to joke with each other and act like kids again!

9. Marriage is a ministry. Not only is marriage a ministry to your spouse (the more you love your spouse the way God loves us, the more solid your marriage becomes), but it is a ministry to the world around you. I know now that God brought my husband and I together to serve Him and others - together. How awesome that I get to serve along side my husband, doing whatever God calls us to do, as a TEAM! I couldn’t imagine serving with anyone else!

10. I have learned to “cleave” (and cleave hard!) to my husband! Genesis 2:24 says “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The word cleave means: to stick fast to, to adhere strongly to. I have learned throughout the years, that while good friends are a blessing, they aren’t mandatory when you have a healthy marriage. When you marry someone, the two of you become ONE and you are each other’s best friend. I can honestly say I don’t have many friends. I don’t have friends that I share intimate details of my life with. I share those things solely with my husband. We know we can trust each other, and we know we have each other’s best interest at heart. It’s a really good feeling to know I will ALWAYS have someone I can trust, count on, and share with…for the rest of my life.

11. Lastly, I have learned that with God ALL things are possible. No matter what life throws as us, our marriage CAN and WILL weather each storm, by God’s grace…and only by His grace.

While so much has happened in the last eleven years, the time has flown by. I pray I never take for granted the amazing man God has given me, the children that have made our house a home, and the love that we share as a family. I can’t wait for the next 11 years!

I love you, Kory Kimbrell!

Here are some pictures of us throughout the years:

2004