No longer a slave!

I have a story to share with you. I hope you will take the time to read it, as I believe so many people can probably relate to the topic I'm writing about this time - FEAR.

On September 2, 2015, we had our very first Wednesday night Gathering for the church my husband and I came to Collinsville to plant.  The very next weekend, I attended a Beth Moore Simulcast with a good friend of mine.  Except for knowing each other, we were in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people around us.  The great thing about gathering with other believers though, is that you don't have to know each other to worship God together.  

That morning, Beth spoke about having AUDACITY.  She talked about having the WILLINGNESS to take bold risks for God, and that audacity doesn't mean being fearLESS, but rather it means having the guts to do whatever it is God is calling you to do, anyway, regardless of your fear. One of the songs that we sang together after she spoke that morning, was a song called "No Longer Slaves". Here are some of the lyrics:

You unravel me, with a melody

You surround me with a song

Of deliverance, from my enemies

Till all my fears are gone

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

From my mothers womb

You have chosen me

Love has called my name

I've been born again, into your family

Your blood flows through my veins...

As I was singing those words, God spoke something to me that was very clear, yet slightly overwhelming.  Not only did He show me that I had a problem with fear in my own life that I needed to give Him control of, He also showed me something that He was calling me to DO, that would require me to overcome some fears I had carried with me all my life. 

I've always had a fear of speaking to large groups of people.  However, I was able to face that fear, when I was given the opportunity to speak to the teens in our youth group on a couple of occasions, and to be one of the speakers at a couple of women's events we had at our church.  However, on this day at the simulcast, I knew what He was telling me to do, and it was not something I WANTED to do (is it ever??) He told me to SING! In front of people! And not just sing, PLAY THE PIANO!  And that I was to one day play for the people of our church!

Now, you must know, I had NEVER sang in front of people as an adult, and the last time I played the piano, was when I was in grade school! I don't even think I got past book #2 before I quit playing!  The memories I had of playing the piano, didn't go much further than "chopsticks". I couldn't even remember how to read music! Why in the WORLD would He want me to play now? And HOW was I supposed to learn?  I prayed a lot that day...and in the next few days that followed.  I finally settled in my heart, that if nothing else, I was going to learn the song I had heard at the Simulcast!  Maybe THAT would be "enough". 

We had a "beginner-type" keyboard at our house that my dad had given the kids several years prior.  I set it up, sat down, and just stared at the keys, with no idea where to even begin. I prayed "God, if you want me to do this, YOU are going to have to be my teacher!"

I prayed every day after that for God to just take my hands and teach me how to play. I messed around with that little keyboard here and there, until finally I decided I was ready to buy an "upgrade" so that I could expand my playing a little.  Very slowly, day by day, I started learning to play some songs....including the song from the simulcast, No Longer Slaves!  I DID IT!  And I must say, I felt so accomplished!  Until....God reminded me of what He spoke to me that day at that Beth Moore Simulcast....that I was to play for the people of our church.

I remember praying "Ok, God...I know you want me to play and sing for the people You have brought into our home each Wednesday, but HOW is that supposed to even work?  Afterall, I'm downstairs teaching the kids every week (1st argument). Maybe You could just bring someone into our home that can play and sing better than I can (2nd argument)?? There are so many people that are WAAAY more talented than I am (3rd argument). Are you SURE I can't just play for my own worship time (4th argument)?"  Still, after all my arguing, I felt like He was telling me to face my fear, stop comparing myself to others, and just obey Him. To be AUDACIOUS! 

So....I did.  I finally faced my fear, and goodness gracious was I a ball of nerves!  I played for the very first time this week (May 25th) at our Family Gathering.  With a living room full of adults and children, I played and I sang.  As soon as I started playing, the words got blurry on the page, and I could feel my face turning red, and a rush of nervousness came over me. But in that moment, I heard His voice saying "just obey me." So, I pushed through my pounding heart and shaky voice, and I did what He had told me to do back at the Simulcast. 

I have no idea what He is going to lead me to do in the future concerning my playing, and I still have SO much to learn, but what I DO know, is that all God was asking of me was to be obedient and step out of the boat, right into the waves of my fear, and trust Him. 

What about you?  What is He asking YOU to do that you are fearful of?  Remember, audacity is the WILLINGNESS to take bold risks.  God can use your willingness!  You don't have to be fearless, just willing!  Be BOLD! He's not going to tell you to do something and then let you fall flat on your face.  He's got you, just trust Him!

He's proven Himself faithful to me time and time again, and now I can say - I'm no longer a slave....