Even Jesus Wept

It's easy to find fair-weather friends. I've had many. These are friends who will be quick to laugh and celebrate with you when things are going well for you; but those same friends are nowhere to be found when life gets tough.  It's in life's painful circumstances that often times, you find yourself alone in your sadness.  My experience has been that some people just don't seem to know how to respond to someone else's pain for very long, or even at all.  They might be able to tolerate it for a moment, even show a little sympathy by saying something like "sending prayers" or by giving a hug; but then they disappear, leaving you to deal with your hurt...alone.  It's like they view your pain as something outside their "circle", and they just don't want to step out of theirs and into yours.

I found myself in a situation not too long ago where I witnessed a friend in the midst of one of life's terrible storms....one of the scariest I've seen.  She was hurting, and I couldn't help but absorb some of her pain onto myself.  I began crying right along with her as she poured her heart out.  Her hurt became MY hurt.  I felt a pain so deep in my heart for her that it seemed as if the pain was truly my own.  It was then that this verse took on a whole new meaning for me:

"Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." -Romans 12:15

What good are we to people if we aren't willing to step outside of our own worlds long enough to empathize with theirs?  And I mean REALLY empathize, allowing ourselves the freedom to feel what they are feeling in that moment.  Sympathy is "feeling compassion, sorry, or pity for the hardships that another encounters".  Sympathy is a good start, but empathy takes us a step further by putting ourselves in the shoes of another.  Empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of another person.

John 11 tells of a time where Jesus Himself grieved with others. He was at the tomb of a man named Lazarus who had died just a few days prior to Jesus getting there. When He saw Mary and others weeping, "He was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved." (verse 33) Then, in verse 35, it says "Jesus wept."  This was JESUS, God in flesh, who knew He would ultimately raise Lazarus from the dead, yet He took the time to feel the pain of loss surrounding Him!

I have been guilty in the past of trying to detach myself from the pain of others. I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to really listen to people. I want to try to put myself in their shoes, even if that means that I might even feel pain. I want to allow myself to share not only in their laughter, but in their tears.  Then maybe, they will be able to see genuine care and concern that goes beyond sympathy. Maybe they will be able to feel real love in the midst of their suffering...a love that the world doesn't offer.  A Jesus-type love.

DON'T Follow Your Heart

Often times, when we are trying to make a decision, someone will say "You've just got to follow your heart!" The problem with that feel-good creed is that it's nowhere to be found in the Bible.  In fact, the Bible actually tells us something very different.  Jeremiah 17:9 says "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" And in Matthew 15:19, Jesus said "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander." So it sounds to me like following our hearts might not be the wisest thing.  

The truth is, our hearts weren't created to be our leader, but rather to be led; and to be led by the Holy Spirit.  Our hearts can deceive us into thinking that what we FEEL is right, but that isn't always true. We must not be led by our feeling and emotions!  I heard a great quote one time by Patsy Clairmont. She said "Emotions don't have brains."  How true that is! We cannot always trust our feelings. They change like the wind based on our circumstances.  But God NEVER changes. He is constant. He knows what's best for us. So we must learn to trust HIS voice alone.

Romans 8:13-14 says "For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.  For all who are LED BY THE SPIRIT OF GOD are sons of God." 

I want to encourage you today to seek GOD in all things.  Do not follow the advice of the world into "following your heart" unless of course it is the Holy Spirit residing in your heart that you are following!  

Peace to you,

-Amy  

I will not conform!

Shocked. Sickened. Angry.

Those three words best describe the feelings that came over my husband and I this past weekend when our 9 year old brought his ipad to us, to show us the “cool game” I had just minutes before, given him permission to install.  

You guys, I did everything right. I read about the game.  I checked the suggested age for the game (ages 4+).  I even typed in the parental control password we have set, to give my permission to download the game.   Here it is:

It just your basic, "tap the ball carefully through each obstacle and your ball will switch color with some powerups" game.  My son asked my husband to try the game out, so he did. It was colorful and challenging. There was no problem until the advertisement videos for other free games played.  The ads were for a game called "Episode". It's a game that is "supposedly" suitable for ages 12+ (according to who, I'm not sure). I have an 11 year old and I can tell you that she will not be playing it.  I recorded one of the ads to share with you:

In case you can't view the video on your phone, it is two girls kissing.  The one says to the other, "let's keep this between us, ok? and the other says "what is somebody sees us".

Hopefully, that made you just as uncomfortable as it made us.  It should. Even if you don't have children, it should. But for my husband and I, knowing that our 9 year old had just watched that ad, made us more than uncomfortable. It made us angry.  After playing the game a bit longer (by now our son had run off to play outside) it played another video. I'm not going to post the other video, but I'll tell you about it. There was a girl trying to decide if she should  "get a closer look" at a half-naked man posing for a painting, or if she was too shy. There was a woman wearing lingerie saying "I don't look this sexy for nothing", trying to decide if she should wake up her drunk husband or divorce him. And it ended with "Adam and Eve" trying to decide if they should break up or "repopulate the earth". Some might find that funny.  I didn't.  Some might call me a prude. That's fine.  I am just trying to raise my children to know right from wrong, and I'm swimming in an ocean, surrounded by fish going the other direction. 

Whether we want to believe it or not, there is an agenda in our culture.  It's everywhere. It's on our TVs, in movies, magazines, social media, and yes, even in our app stores. There is a whole slew of things that are becoming more and more "acceptable" in our culture today because of the constant, ever present, "in your face" media.  Sex outside of marriage (in all forms), homosexuality, drunkeness, divorce, etc. etc.  Our culture is becoming more and more desensitized to these things. And by "our culture" this sadly, includes our children. Kids are becoming way too "knowledgeable", way too young, thanks to the constant outside influences. 

I'll compare it to the TV show The Walking Dead (yes, I watch it). The very first time I saw a zombie get killed, I jumped. It startled me,  even grossed me out a bit.  But by the 2nd season of the show, I was like "oh look...they're killing another zombie." *yawn* I've gotten used to it.  It doesn't seem scary or gross anymore like it did the first time.  

Unfortunately, the same thing happens with sin.  The more our culture throws sin in our faces at every turn, the more we become "used to it'.  We become more and more comfortable with what we are seeing. It doesn't "gross us out" like it did the first time we saw it.  It becomes an "oh, look...another girl sleeping with her boyfriend" *yawn* mentality...just like the zombies. In fact, so many people have BECOME just that....zombies. 

One of the definitions of the word zombie is: a person who is or appears lifeless, apathethic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings

How fitting.  Sounds like so many Americans to me.

I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to be a zombie.

The Bible says “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that be testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” –Romans 12:2

How do we avoid conforming to the world’s standard? By the renewing of our mind!  We cannot allow our culture to determine our mindset, especially when it comes to sin.

1 Peter 1:13-16 says “Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, ‘You shall be holy for I am holy.’”

Those who are in Christ are to be set apart from the world.  We are to take a stand against sin.  However, in doing so, we will be hated.  Jesus was hated, so why should we expect anything less for ourselves as followers of Him?  In John 15:18-19, Jesus said, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.  If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own, but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”

There have been several people who publically claim to be believers, on social media in the past few weeks, who have said that we as Christians need to be more accepting of certain sins in order to "love people better". To me that is like saying that Jesus didn't know what He was talking about. That our culture has “evolved” and that now we know a better way to love people, so to do that, we need to be more accepting of sin. I disagree. Jesus gave us the blueprints (the Bible) for how to live in the world...even in our world today.  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever! (Hebrews 13:8) The Bible still holds true today, just as it did 2,000 years ago.  

While we may feel like we are fighting an uphill battle against our culture, it is imperative that we still fight.  Our future depends on it.  Our children's futures depend on it.  Don't become complacent in a culture that would love nothing more. Take a stand.  

Please join me in saying "I will not conform!" 

I'm offended!

As I’ve said in past blog posts, I do my best to wait until I have something really pressing on my heart, before I share it publicly. I think sometimes we can over share; and I don’t ever want to write something and then regret it later, or wonder if I should have worded things differently. So I pray over these posts before I publish them. That being said, today, I’d like to talk about something that I see as a huge problem within the body of Christ, all across America, and that is how "we" as believers, handle offenses between our brothers and sisters in Christ. I know this is not a new issue. In fact, I’ve heard many sermons on this very thing. I guess what makes this particular problem come to the surface for me is that over the past couple of years, I’ve personally witnessed and experienced far too many mishandled situations when it comes to how the church goes about reconciling (or not reconciling) Christian relationships.

I want you to notice that in this post, I am referring to believers being sinned against. I’m not talking about our unbelieving friends, and I’m not talking about ‘feeling’ offended because someone has “rubbed us the wrong way”. I’m talking about when another believer sins against us, how we are to handle it. 

So what do we do when we feel that someone has sinned against us? The very first thing we should do is PRAY.  Before we even consider confronting someone about their sin, we need to seek God and ask Him to show us any sin in our own life. Through our prayer time, we should ask Him to show us the next step we are to take.  We must not react immediately in our flesh, because sometimes our flesh is wrong; but rather we are to seek the Spirit's guidance first.  In 2 Timothy 2:23, Paul says: "Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.  And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will." 

The goal between Christians, should always be repentance and reconciliation.  There should be no selfish or prideful spirit in us when approaching a brother or sister in Christ who has sinned against us.

The Bible has given us instructions for how to handle this issue.  Allow me to share Jesus' words with you:

In Matthew 18:15-18, Jesus said:

15. “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

I think Jesus’ words were pretty clear when he described the order of how things are supposed to go down when another believer sins against us. To me, this is not a “grey” or confusing issue. It is a straightforward, 3 step process, in which it seems to me that the best-case-scenario would be to try to attempt to reconcile during step 1. However, we all know that is not how things always go, due to the fact that reconciliation is an act between TWO people. Unfortunately, we cannot control the response of the other person. Let’s look a little further into step 1.

First, Jesus said “If your brother sins against you, GO and tell HIM his fault, between you and him ALONE.”

That means that we are to GO to the person directly who has sinned against us. Jesus didn’t say to go talk to another friend, or to another church member, or even to the pastor!! Jesus said to go to HIM and keep it between you and him ALONE. If the person listens and repents, then we are to forgive. (In Matthew 6:14-15 Jesus said: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”)

Seems pretty straightforward to me. However, in our churches today, people like to disguise gossip as “prayer requests”, or go to others for “advice” about how to handle a grievance with someone. I believe there are several reasons why it is best to keep things between the two people involved, but for the sake of time, let’s just say the reason is because Jesus told us to!

Unfortunately, because of our sinful nature, often times, we would rather gossip and damage our brother’s (or sister’s) reputation, than confront him/her in private. It’s ironic to me that while the thought of confronting a brother or sister in Christ might produce feelings of fear or anxiety, they do not seem to fear telling all of their friends about the offense! Instead, the gossip is somehow justified by the gossiper, and often times disguised to others as artificial care and concern.

Jesus obviously knew that not every situation would be reconciled between the two people involved, so he went on further to step 2.

Verse 16 says: “But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.”

Notice, there is an order to this. We are only supposed to move on to step 2 AFTER step 1 and only IF he/she does not listen to you when you go alone. We don’t START the process with step 2. And we don’t move to step 2 just because we are uncomfortable with step 1. We move on to step 2 IF he/she does not listen. If that is the result, THEN we are to take one or two others along so that there may be witnesses of the reconciliation process, (or so that they may witness the lack of repentance from the person being accused of sinning).

That brings us to step 3.

Vs 17. “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

This does not mean that after an unsuccessful step 2, we are to take the person before the entire congregation and announce the sin to a 1,000+ people (which is the number of church attendees in some congregations today). The more logical step to take, would be to take them before a larger group of believers within the church. If the church is in agreement that a sin has in fact been committed, then a 3rd opportunity to repent should be offered. If the offender STILL refuses to repent and be reconciled, then, after the church has used discernment through prayer and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, then, and only then, should the church dismiss him/her from the body. This doesn't mean that we no longer care for and pray for the person, we should still pray for them to seek God and repent, however, we are to cut ties with them.

There is one more thing I want to say about forgiveness. If at any point in this process, the offender repents, we MUST FORGIVE!! Right after Jesus speaks, Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive a brother who sins against him. Jesus replied “seventy-seven times”. Matthew 18:21

Why so many times? Because we have absolutely no excuse to withhold forgiveness from someone after all Jesus has forgiven US! He forgives us over and over and over, and we are to do the same with a repentant brother or sister in Christ.

Let me ask you, is this how you see things handled in the church today? If it’s not, it’s time to start holding our fellow Christians responsible. This is a weighty issue that has the potential to have either a positive or negative ETERNAL impact! If handled correctly, the impact could be forgiveness and reconciliation not only to the believers involved, but to God. If handled in the flesh, the consequences could be devastating, not only to the body of believers as a whole, but to the individuals involved.

Has someone sinned against you? Have you sinned against someone else? Go today and seek to reconcile! It was important enough for Jesus to talk about it. It should be just as important to us as believers as well. 

And please….when you go, begin with step 1.

No longer a slave!

I have a story to share with you. I hope you will take the time to read it, as I believe so many people can probably relate to the topic I'm writing about this time - FEAR.

On September 2, 2015, we had our very first Wednesday night Gathering for the church my husband and I came to Collinsville to plant.  The very next weekend, I attended a Beth Moore Simulcast with a good friend of mine.  Except for knowing each other, we were in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people around us.  The great thing about gathering with other believers though, is that you don't have to know each other to worship God together.  

That morning, Beth spoke about having AUDACITY.  She talked about having the WILLINGNESS to take bold risks for God, and that audacity doesn't mean being fearLESS, but rather it means having the guts to do whatever it is God is calling you to do, anyway, regardless of your fear. One of the songs that we sang together after she spoke that morning, was a song called "No Longer Slaves". Here are some of the lyrics:

You unravel me, with a melody

You surround me with a song

Of deliverance, from my enemies

Till all my fears are gone

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

From my mothers womb

You have chosen me

Love has called my name

I've been born again, into your family

Your blood flows through my veins...

As I was singing those words, God spoke something to me that was very clear, yet slightly overwhelming.  Not only did He show me that I had a problem with fear in my own life that I needed to give Him control of, He also showed me something that He was calling me to DO, that would require me to overcome some fears I had carried with me all my life. 

I've always had a fear of speaking to large groups of people.  However, I was able to face that fear, when I was given the opportunity to speak to the teens in our youth group on a couple of occasions, and to be one of the speakers at a couple of women's events we had at our church.  However, on this day at the simulcast, I knew what He was telling me to do, and it was not something I WANTED to do (is it ever??) He told me to SING! In front of people! And not just sing, PLAY THE PIANO!  And that I was to one day play for the people of our church!

Now, you must know, I had NEVER sang in front of people as an adult, and the last time I played the piano, was when I was in grade school! I don't even think I got past book #2 before I quit playing!  The memories I had of playing the piano, didn't go much further than "chopsticks". I couldn't even remember how to read music! Why in the WORLD would He want me to play now? And HOW was I supposed to learn?  I prayed a lot that day...and in the next few days that followed.  I finally settled in my heart, that if nothing else, I was going to learn the song I had heard at the Simulcast!  Maybe THAT would be "enough". 

We had a "beginner-type" keyboard at our house that my dad had given the kids several years prior.  I set it up, sat down, and just stared at the keys, with no idea where to even begin. I prayed "God, if you want me to do this, YOU are going to have to be my teacher!"

I prayed every day after that for God to just take my hands and teach me how to play. I messed around with that little keyboard here and there, until finally I decided I was ready to buy an "upgrade" so that I could expand my playing a little.  Very slowly, day by day, I started learning to play some songs....including the song from the simulcast, No Longer Slaves!  I DID IT!  And I must say, I felt so accomplished!  Until....God reminded me of what He spoke to me that day at that Beth Moore Simulcast....that I was to play for the people of our church.

I remember praying "Ok, God...I know you want me to play and sing for the people You have brought into our home each Wednesday, but HOW is that supposed to even work?  Afterall, I'm downstairs teaching the kids every week (1st argument). Maybe You could just bring someone into our home that can play and sing better than I can (2nd argument)?? There are so many people that are WAAAY more talented than I am (3rd argument). Are you SURE I can't just play for my own worship time (4th argument)?"  Still, after all my arguing, I felt like He was telling me to face my fear, stop comparing myself to others, and just obey Him. To be AUDACIOUS! 

So....I did.  I finally faced my fear, and goodness gracious was I a ball of nerves!  I played for the very first time this week (May 25th) at our Family Gathering.  With a living room full of adults and children, I played and I sang.  As soon as I started playing, the words got blurry on the page, and I could feel my face turning red, and a rush of nervousness came over me. But in that moment, I heard His voice saying "just obey me." So, I pushed through my pounding heart and shaky voice, and I did what He had told me to do back at the Simulcast. 

I have no idea what He is going to lead me to do in the future concerning my playing, and I still have SO much to learn, but what I DO know, is that all God was asking of me was to be obedient and step out of the boat, right into the waves of my fear, and trust Him. 

What about you?  What is He asking YOU to do that you are fearful of?  Remember, audacity is the WILLINGNESS to take bold risks.  God can use your willingness!  You don't have to be fearless, just willing!  Be BOLD! He's not going to tell you to do something and then let you fall flat on your face.  He's got you, just trust Him!

He's proven Himself faithful to me time and time again, and now I can say - I'm no longer a slave....

I need my GPS!

I have no trouble admitting that I'm terrible with driving directions. I got my first GPS around the time I first started driving, and since then, I have become very reliant on it. The truth is, I can barely go anywhere without it! Sad, I know, but it's my reality. Without my GPS, I would have ended up in some scary places I had no business being in! 

This past Wednesday marked 6 months since our very first Remedy Church gathering in our home! Since moving to Collinsville last April, we have learned so many things! We didn't know very much when we moved here about God's plan for us, except that we were supposed to move and plant a church. Beyond that, the details were "TBD". 

Planting a church on your own can be a very scary, lonely thing. A lot of people who set out to plant a church, go, knowing that they have a support system offering prayer & encouragement. Other than our immediate family (which I am SO thankful for) we were on our own. We didn't have anyone giving up tips, tools, or advice. I can see now that even that was all part of God's plan to ready us for what He was calling us to do. I believe He needed to get us alone so that we could listen clearly for HIS voice. 

That being said, when you don't have crystal clear direction starting out, you tend to just step out into the unknown and hope for the best. We prayed A LOT before making any decisions or taking any action; but even through all of our praying, we never really felt like God was giving us specific details on what we were to do. We had visions of what we thought He wanted us to do once we got to Collinsville, but nothing seemed very concrete. Through much prayer, we felt very strongly about the WHERE and the WHO of His plan for us, but we just couldn't pinpoint the WHAT and the HOW. So, we set our "GPS" to the WHERE, and we started heading in that direction. Different opportunities arose, and a couple of times we thought we had "arrived", only to hear the GPS (the Holy Spirit) say "RECALCULATING". It was frustrating and disorienting at times, especially since we knew we had input the correct destination. We knew where we were supposed to go and who we were supposed to help, but road blocks kept appearing in our path! It seemed like at every intersection, we would run into yet another blockade. However, we knew we were on the right road, so we kept putting our faith and trust in God - the voice and guide behind everything we endeavour to do. 

This past week, we got an incredible answer to our prayers! Our GPS finally zoomed in on a solid destination! We now have an exact location! We also have some answers to the "what" and even some of the "how"! There is a lot of work ahead of us, but we are determined to follow the Spirit's directions along the way, because we know He is the ONLY one who can get us to where He wants us to go, and help us do what He has called us here to do. 

When you are trying to follow God's leading, there can be some painful stops and lessons along the way, but I want to encourage you! When you come to a roadblock in your own journey, remember this...He may have to recalculate you a few times to get you exactly where He wants you to be, but if you are sensitive to the Spirit's leading, when you get there, you will hear the words "You have arrived at your destination!" and everything you have gone through to get there will be worth it!

Precious Moments

Hello, friends. I don't even have the right words to describe how special this Wednesday was for me.... 

Before I go into why, I feel there are some things I need to catch my readers up on (I am attempting to improve on my blogging frequency)! I can't believe I have not given an update since our move to Illinois!  Part of the reason for the lack of writing has been that God has been doing SO MUCH in my life personally, that sometimes I have a hard time getting it all on "paper".  So much of what He does is hard for me to put into words.  That being said, here goes my attempt at a quick, super-condensed Kimbrell family update:

2009: We moved from Ferguson to Troy, MO. (my hometown) with no plans, other than to own a home in a town that felt more “country”. Within 2 weeks of moving, we found a church home! 

2011: Kory became the Youth Pastor/Associate Pastor at that church. We poured our hearts into everything we did for and with the teens. We couldn’t imagine doing anything else!

2014: While still serving at the church in Troy, MO., God clearly spoke to Kory that we were to move to Collinsville, IL (his hometown) to start a "Missional Community" church.

March 15, 2015: We obeyed God and left our church in Troy, MO (our house had not yet sold and Kory was to soon be unemployed, but we trusted God’s leading) By the way, there is so much MORE to this story, but I’ll have to leave that to another time….

April 23, 2015: We simultaneously closed on our house in Troy and our new house in Collinsville, IL! (most stressful day of my life to date, I might add!)

May 31, 2015: Kory got a call to preach as an interim pastor at a church in State Park, IL (5 min from our new house).    

June 15-19: We volunteered to help with the church's VBS.  We had a BLAST with the kids and God quickly put  an overwhelming passion in our hearts for the people of State Park, IL. (details on that passion to come at a later date)

July 19, 2015: After 8 weeks of preaching/serving at the church in State Park, God ended our time there, so that we could carry on with what He sent us to Collinsville to do - plant a new church.  

Sept 2, 2015: We had our very first "Family Gathering" for Remedy Church (the name God gave us before coming to Illinois) in our home, and we've been meeting every Wednesday since! 

Sept 9, 2015: After we had our very first "gathering" in our home with everyone, I quickly realized the children needed to have something to call their own as well!  The very next week I began teaching the kids in our basement. Here is a picture of our first “Remedy Kids” group!

Each Wednesday, I get to spend my evening with some awesome kiddos!! We worship God with singing and dancing, we make a craft, have a snack, and play games.  But after taking a vote from the kids, their favorite part of the night each week is the Bible Story!  They love it because everyone gets to play a role in the story! I never expected to have so many fun actors/actresses! :-)  We make each story “come to life” so that they leave having a practically understanding of how God worked in people’s lives long ago, and how He can work in their lives today as well. We have a BLAST!  

For the first 5 weeks, our theme was "changed from the inside out". We talked about Paul and how God took him from being a persecutor of Christians, to someone who followed and obeyed God no matter how hard it was. 

Now we are learning about Daniel, and how his everyday choices mattered, and so do ours!
Here are a few more pictures of our past weeks together.

And then there was this week (11/18/15).  There were several kids missing from our group for various reasons, but I believe having this small group allowed us to talk and share together on a more personal level. Like every week we did our story/skit together, but this week, something interesting happened.  After the story, the kids started sharing about all types of things they are dealing with at school, at home, etc.  Then the topic of prayer came up. I always encourage the kids to be honest in their responses, and to not just give me the "right" answer, or the answer they think I want to hear. Last night every one of them opened up about how they truly feel about prayer. They shared their questions, their fears, their thoughts about God, etc. What these kids shared in front of each other, was mind blowing to me. They had some really heavy stories and questions. After we talked, I asked them all to come sit with me on the floor. I planned on praying for them as a group, but they quickly spoke up and said they wanted to go around the circle and pray individually! I was taken back, not only by their desire to pray, but by the sincerity of their prayers. They weren't rehearsed, they weren't memorized, they were on-the-spot, true & honest prayers. Several of the kids who come on Wed nights, do not have spiritual guidance at home, so to see what I saw this week, was very encouraging to me. They care so deeply for their parents and their friends and family, and want so badly for THEM to know God - and they prayed for that! After being in youth ministry (with teenagers) for several years, and then moving to Collinsville to plant a church, and meeting so many adults, it never even crossed my mind that I would be spending such valuable time with these young kids each week. God knew though. I believe He ordained each of these moments and oh how precious they are....

I look forward to each week, knowing that I get to share Jesus with these amazing kids!  God is moving and working in the adults each week as well!
Friends, trust me when I say….if God is leading you to do something, DO IT!  It is worth every struggle, every trial, every doubt….

It is in these PRECIOUS MOMENTS, that I see God’s faithfulness, and know that HE IS GOOD!

Bold Voices

I believe that God has given all of us a voice.  Sometimes though, our voices get silenced - sometimes by outside influences beyond our control, or sometimes by our own doing.  In the past, I allowed MY voice to be stifled by others, dictating what was and was not "acceptable" for me to say or do.  My once confident, bold voice, slowly transformed into nothing more than a whisper. 

I have since been reminded that God did not create me to be a silent bystander.  He created me with the boldness and courage needed to defend the weak, to speak out against injustices, and to even ruffle some feathers if needed, by courageously confronting issues no one else will address.  I wasn't created with a voice just to sit idly by and neither were YOU!  We were created to speak out! To stand up! To be a voice of reason! To speak the truth to a world in need of it! I know I am here to make a difference during my time here on earth, but using the voice God gave me.  This verse gave me a extra "push" today to take back my confidence and find my voice again:

"The wicked run away when no one is chasing them, but the godly are as bold as lions." - Proverbs 28:1

Be bold, friends! It's time to pull the tape off of our mouths. If you don't use your voice, someone else will use theirs, and it may not be to speak what the hurting world needs to hear....

To all the stay-at-home moms just trying to survive another day

I overhead a conversation between two moms today when I was picking up my kids from vbs.

Mom #1: "What was I thinking, quitting my full-time job to do 'this'? Work is so much easier!"
Mom#2: "I know! I shouldn't have quit my job to stay home with him all day.  I get nothing done around the house! I think I'm going to go back to work before I go insane!"

It made me sad to hear them talking like that. 

You see, I quit a well-paying, full time job that I loved, 10 years ago when my first child was born, and I haven't had a "job" since.  Let me tell you - it hasn't been easy!

When my children were babies, there were countless days that my health issues left me so sick that I would lay on the floor with them playing around me, praying someone would come relieve me so I could "leave work" and go to bed.  But the needs of my babies wouldn't allow for that, afterall, stay-at-home moms don't get sick days.  So, I had to press through!

Of course there have been days that I have longed for a change of pace, or the "freedom" to go somewhere alone without having to load my kids up and take them with me.  Some days I've had the desire to just interact with other moms. In the season we are in now (with a 10 and 8 year old) the trials are different, but the trials still exist nonetheless. However, I can honestly say that I have never once regretted my decision to stay home and raise my children.


I just felt like writing this today, to offer any stay-at-home mom (including myself) who is reading this some encouragement.  Encouragement that moms like us rarely get.
<** I am not writing this blog to "diss" working moms.  So many of you have been put in a situation that you have no choice but to work. I pray you find encouragement today as well.>


Dear overwhelmed & under-appreciated mom,
Don't give up!!  Your hard work (while sometimes unnoticed) WILL pay off! Your efforts are going to have lasting effects for years to come.  Be thankful for the time you have with your kids - they won't be this age for long, and when they are gone, you will have more "me time" than you know what to do with! You may not see the rewards now, especially if you are a young mother, but trust me, you WILL.  YOU are teaching them right from wrong, YOU are kissing their boo-boos as soon as they scrape their knee.  It is YOU they come running to when they are scared or hurt.  And it will be YOU that they remember when they look back on their lives as adults, and realize that their mother made sacrifices....sacrifices that she didn't have to make - all to do something she felt called to do - stay at home with them. Don't regret your decision.  Don't complain.  There are many mothers who don't have the privilege to stay home like you do.  Embrace the hardships of motherhood one day at a time.  One day, your kids will thank you for it.  *hugs*

I will leave you with this writing from C.S. Lewis:

“I think I can understand that feeling about a housewife’s work being like that of Sisyphus (who was the stone rolling gentleman). But it is surely in reality the most important work in the world. What do ships, railways, miners, cars, government etc exist for except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes? As Dr. Johnson said, “To be happy at home is the end of all human endeavor”. (1st to be happy to prepare for being happy in our own real home hereafter: 2nd in the meantime to be happy in our houses.) We wage war in order to have peace, we work in order to have leisure, we produce food in order to eat it. So your job is the one for which all others exist…” (pg 447-Letter of CS Lewis 1988 ed.)

Putting my dreams to sleep

It's been 6 months since my last blog. I even gave it a new look since it's been so long! So many things happened during that time... 
 
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Our 12^th wedding anniversary, 2 family deaths, birthdays, & weddings have all come and gone in that time. November through January was a very trying time for our family as our daughter's body was caught off guard by a very intrusive, painful illness.  By God's grace though, she has recovered. She is still working on her foot being "normal" again, but we praise God that she is no longer ill!

Last Sunday (March 15) we said goodbye to a great group of friends (family, really) and our church home for the last 5 ½ years, to move to another town we feel called to - Kory's home town of Collinsville, Illinois. 

There is always a back-story to big changes like these...so, stay with me if you will:
When I married my husband Kory, he was a drywall delivery guy during the week, and a professional wrestler on the weekends.   I was working as a temp at a local TV station, and we were struggling to make our new relationship work.  We had very conflicting ideas of what life should be like.

He always dreamed of "making it big" in the wrestling business, which would provide a great income for our family, but would require him to be away from home a lot. 

My dream was to live in the country, on a large piece wooded land, where my husband would come home from work to dinner cooked by his stay-at-home wife, and in the evenings we would sit outside on our big front porch drinking sweet tea, watching 2 little kids run around and play on our beautiful, safe property.  I am in introvert, so that sounded like the “dream life” to me.  Since I was a child, all I really knew about myself was that I was supposed to be a wife and a stay-at-home mom; however, when I met Kory, I knew right away that he had been born for something BIG.  I didn't know what that was exactly since at the time since he was a professional wrestler, but I hoped whatever it was, it would fit into MY dream, and not his. 

Then life happened.  Due to a nerve injury, Kory was forced to take a break from wrestling.  During that time, he discovered some things that he has been missing out on at home - his wife and kids.  And so....he quit.  Just walked away.  And the crazy thing about it, is that he has just been offered a huge wrestling opportunity that could have landed us in Florida, making good money - living his DREAM!  But...he felt like he was supposed to walk away from it all with no real explanation as to why at the time. 

Fast forward some years and we found ourselves moving from Ferguson to Troy, MO.  We didn't really know why we were moving to Troy at the time.  We didn't have family or friends there, but every time we would drive out that direction to look at houses, we just kept feeling a pull to that city.  So, we bought a house - in a subdivision on about 1/4 acre with no trees (go figure). Our kids were 2 and 4 years old at the time (we got the kid part of my dream right!  HA!)
Within a couple of weeks, we found a church - Journey Church - the place that we would make our church home...for the next 5 1/2 years.  During that time, we served...A LOT.  We involved ourselves in everything that was offered.  But our main passion while at Journey was teens. Kory became the "official" youth pastor in 2011.  (If you are wondering how in the world he went from being a wrestler, to a youth pastor at a church, I would LOVE to fill in those gaps for you, but those details are way too long for this specific blog). We spent countless hours with high school students, and we loved every minute of it.  When we became youth pastors, there was a group of teens who were just becoming freshmen, and now, as we are leaving, they are seniors getting ready to graduate! Needless to say, many strong bonds have been formed between our family and many others at the church.  When you spend hours and hours with the same people, they become like family.  Even our children have grown to love it here - this is the only home they have ever known. We absolutely love the people we have been blessed to share life with here in Troy.  That is why leaving this town and a paid church position, to go to another town where we don’t even know where our income is going to come from, to start a ministry within the community – all by ourselves, is completely irrational to most people we talk to. 

Here's what I know.  Sometimes this life just doesn't make sense.  That's just the truth of it.   Sometimes GOD doesn't make sense.  After all, why would He want to take us from a great little town like Troy (and yes I DO think it is a great little town) and all the people we've come to know and love, to move us to a place like Collinsville, IL.  It has never been my "dream" (OR my husband's for that matter) to move there.  In fact, Kory is FROM Collinsville, so how is it that he is about to find himself right back in his home town? Collinsville doesn't have farm land where I could find my dream home.  In fact, the house we are buying is the exact opposite of that.  But the crazy thing is...it's where we are supposed to be.  I believe that with 100% certainty and I'm at peace with what we are going to go do.

WHY??  Because this is not our home anyway!  This is just a stopping place before we get to our "real" home in Heaven.  Of course I'm going to dream of a more beautiful place, where safety and comfort abounds....because I wasn’t made for this world!

Could we move somewhere else instead of IL?  Of course we could!  We have a blank canvas! We could have that 'perfect' house, in the 'perfect' place and somehow justify that decision and claim we are serving God wherever that might be.  But the fact of the matter is, we would be living in disobedience and I can not imagine how unsettling and agonizing it would be to know that we chose OUR dream over God's will for our lives.

1 John 2:16-17 says: For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.  And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Our family has learned so much in the past 5 1/2 years.  Lessons that I now understand were to prepare us for what we are going to go do now. The biggest lesson of all that I have learned since moving to Troy (and I do mean THE biggest) is – SURRENDER.  It’s just one word, but it has been THE hardest lesson I’ve had to walk through.

No matter how hard I try to control my life, no matter how much I scream and cry when God shows me something new to do that doesn’t fit into my idea of comfort, I am brought to the realization every single time that my life does not belong to me like I thought it did. 

And honestly, if you call yourself a Christian (a Christ-follower) then it's the same for you too. We've all heard someone say "It's YOUR life, do what makes YOU happy", right? Well, I can tell you that not everything God asks me to do makes me "happy".  There have been many times that I have cried and pleaded with God over something He's told my family to do, and I don't remember happiness being one of the emotions I was feeling at the time.

The thing is, God wants all of His creation (us) to be with Him, (2 Peter 3:9 says…He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.) and the only way that is going to happen is if we as Christ followers, tell people about His love for them.  While my family could stay where we are, and continue to do what we feel comfortable doing (being youth pastors), God has spoken very clearly to my husband and I that our time here in Troy is over.  We were here for a season...to learn and grow into the people God needs us to be for this next step in our lives and the lives of the people we are going to meet in IL.  We have been called to share God's love with people in a city that I am completely unfamiliar with, but I know that I will soon feel is home just like we felt here in Troy. 

Kory's "dream" hasn’t happen the way he envisioned it.  Neither has mine.  We won't be moving into my "dream home".  My husband will be starting all over in the work force at who knows where, when we get to IL.  Our kids will  be exposed to things that I am “uncomfortable with” in order for us to love the broken and hurting people around us.  But God is reshaping my dreams…into what HE wants them to be - so if that means putting my dreams to sleep for now, then I surrender myself to that.  

One day, when I get to Heaven, I know we will have a beautiful house with all of the things I thought I needed here on earth.  But for now, my dream is to see hurting people experience God’s love in a way they've never experienced before; and I am so very humbled by the fact that He chooses to use an imperfect family like my own, to do just that. 

Losing Control

“It’s dangerous.  I’m too busy.  They need to clean up their own mess.  I’m not getting involved in the chaos.  Racial slur this, racist comment that…..”
The list of excuses just go on and on.
Excuses people give to avoid DOING something.  
I’ve seen countless people post things on social media about the current situation in Ferguson, people who haven’t even ever BEEN to Ferguson, let alone been there during this time of civil unrest. 
I’m not going to give my opinion on the matter of the shooting, because I personally wasn't there.  No one reading this blog was either. 
Here’s the thing.  I grew up in Ferguson.  Lived there for 28 years.  So yeah, I might have different feelings about this situation than someone who has never grown up in a neighborhood like I did.  Today my family (even our 9 & 7 year old) went back to Ferguson.  The same area that you see on TV. Yup, the same streets.  Why? Because there is a need. We went there to pick up trash and to be a positive presence on the street.  We encountered business owners, store workers, protestors, and other locals while we were there.  I can tell you that every single person we spoke to, was kind, spoke of peace, and thanked us (even hugged us) for being there.  There was even a car driving down the street that stopped and gave us bottles of water.  I was even interviewed on camera by an MSNBC reporter, just trying to report the good happening in the area (because there IS good happening). All this was taking place while people lined the streets in peaceful, daytime protest.  Here are some pictures from our time there:




Now that night has fallen, things have changed once again. There is more civil unrest as there has been for the past week.
As I sit here in my “safe” house, in my “safe” neighborhood, I can’t help but feel “unrest” myself.  I am feeling so many emotions right now.  Feelings of sadness, disappointment, frustration….but at the same time, I have feelings of love, thankfulness, and compassion.
“Be careful!” they say….when people hear of other doing something a little “risky”.  I’m pretty sure we aren’t called to “careful” lives.  This is why I re-named by blog.  I’m calling it Recklessly Losing Control.  Why? Because God does not call us to sit in our safe homes and do nothing.  When we know of a need, we should do everything we can to meet it.  And I’m not just talking about Ferguson, there are needs in every community.  But in order to meet the needs of others, we have to first deny ourselves and our own wants.  We have to love others RECKLESSLY. What I know for sure is – THIS LIFE IS NOT ABOUT US. We are here to love God, and love people (know God and make Him known).  THAT’S IT. It’s not about our comfort.  It’s not about our wants.  It’s not even about our safety.  It’s about HIM and what HE wants us to do, no matter how uncomfortable it might make us.  
We have to LOSE CONTROL…..give up.  Surrender to HIS perfect will.  That might mean leaving your “safe” place, and going into a neighborhood that makes you feel a little uncomfortable in order to show God’s love. 
My daughter was singing a song today that she learned in school (which was so appropriate given what we did today). These are the lyrics:
Do you know, Oh Christian, you’re a sermon in shoes? Do you know, Oh Christian, you’re a sermon in shoes? Jesus calls upon you, to spread the gospel news,
So walk it, and talk it. 
Live it, and give it.
Teach it, and preach it. 
Know it, and show it.
A Sermon in Shoes.
Yeah, it’s a kid’s song, but to me it has a lot of meaning today.  People can see Christ in us just by the way we walk, talk, live, & give….
All I did today was sweep up some trash.  It didn’t cost me anything except my time. But I believe people were able to see God’s love just by my family SERVING their neighborhood.  I didn’t even have to say a word. 
My challenge to you – LOSE CONTROL
Ask God what you can do to serve Him and serve others. And then when He shows you something, DO IT. Don’t list all the excuses….just obey.  Get outside of your comfort zone.  There are people hurting…everywhere….from all walks of life.  They are all seeking love.  Let’s put our love into ACTION.

For Goodness Sake

I only blog when I feel like what I have to say is worth others reading; which is probably why I don’t blog much.  But today is one of those days when I feel like I have something worth sharing. 

Lately I’ve been thinking about what it really means to love others.  After all, it made the top two list of commandments: #1 Love the Lord your God and #2 Love your neighbor as yourself.  It sounds so easy when you hear someone say we should “love others”, right? But what does that really look like, and how should those of us who call ourselves Christians live that out?

The command to “love your neighbor” is repeated several times throughout scripture.  In fact, Jesus said that the entire law is fulfilled when that one commandment is obeyed.  (Galatians 5:14)  So I’d say it’s pretty important to make sure we are actually LOVING people!

Its seems like “we” (Americans) spend a lot of time deciding whether or not we should help someone who has a need. Maybe the thought has crossed your mind, “What if they use the money for something they shouldn’t?” or maybe you’ve thought, “Well, they got themselves into this mess, they need to figure a way out” or maybe even, “They won’t learn if people constantly bail them out all the time”.  Or what about, “I’m low on money myself right now, there’s no way I can help them…I’ll just pray for them.”  (all of these are either excuses we can find ourselves using if we aren’t careful).  All of which are very self-centered responses. 

1 John 3:17 says: If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 

People have needs….REAL needs.  Needs can be financial, physical, spiritual, material…but if all we Christians do when we hear about their need is say “oh, I’m sorry to hear that, I’ll be praying for you.”  How does that show a non-believer that we really LOVE them? I understand that we all fall on hard times financially.  That we don’t all have money in abundance to just hand out to people, but we ALL have SOMETHING we can do to help others in need.  Even if we don’t have the finances ourselves to meet a need, we can always ask other believers around us if they might feel called to come together and even combine resources together to make it work.  There is ALWAYS SOMETHING we can do to show people that we really love and care about them, just as we love and care for ourselves. 

Here’s a question to ask yourself.  If Jesus himself told you that he needed some food and some clothing, would your response to him be, “Sorry Jesus, but I’m low on money this week” ? Or would you give him some of your food and clothes?  Or at least hurry up and call some friends until you found someone that could help him out?  I’m sure we would all choose the latter option.  So why is it any different with our neighbors?  We are COMMANDED to love people.  It’s not optional if you call yourself a Christ follower.  Matthew 25:31-46 is exactly what I’m talking about (it’s a bit long, but take a minute to read it)

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with Him, He will sit on His glorious throne.  All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on His left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.

^**For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,  I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.** 

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.  For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

***“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’***

So MOVE!  Do something that matters for the Kingdom! See a need and figure out a way to meet it!  It could be as simple as sending someone a card telling them they are on your mind.  It could be just going and visiting with someone who is lonely.  Maybe you feel led to cook a little extra one night and take some food to someone who wouldn’t be able to eat otherwise.  You never know what meeting someone’s need could do for them.  By experiencing Christ’s love for them first hand through YOU, they could come to know Him for themselves. 

There is someone out there right now, praying for a miracle.  Praying, or just simply hoping against all hope that their need will be met.  Perhaps YOU are one that God is calling upon to be His hands and feet. 

For goodness sake…LOVE.

Fellowship of the Unashamed

I found this writing in a pile of Bible notes that I have had for years and decided I must share it with all of you.  While there seems to be some discrepancies of who the author is, the story I would like to go with is that an African missionary was martyred for his faith and this was found tacked on his wall. No matter who wrote it, it’s worth posting. It’s powerfully written and I hope you find it to be just what you need today. Here it is:

I’m part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I’m a disciple of Jesus. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I’m finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problems recognizing me – for my banner is clear!

I am part of the “Fellowship of the Unashamed”.