What's in my bag

This is "part 2" of my previous post called "What you don't see".  If you missed it, you can read it here.

I thought it might be helpful to share with you some of the things I have found throughout the years, that help me when I am dealing with the symptoms of my invisible illness (POTS). I will put the links to where you can purchase these items for yourself, under the video.

Here ya go:

 
Links to products talked about in my video:

Migraine Hat: Click here to order

Peppermint Essential Oil: If you are interested in purchasing just the peppermint oil with the rollerball, and you are not interested in getting any other essential oils, just contact me and I'd be happy to order you one!  Or, you can sign up to be a Young Living member and purchase all of the oils all on your own (frankincense and eucalyptus too!) Just use this link and enter the number 2502569 in the places where they ask for the sponsor ID and the enroller ID. If you need help, contact me and I will be happy to help you!

doTerra Peppermint Beadlets: To purchase on Amazon click here

Neck Relaxer / Traction Device for neck pain relief : To purchase on Amazon click here

Nose Spray for headaches: To purchase from Swanson Vitamins (where I get all of my vitamins/supplements/health items) click here **You can get $10 off your first order at Swanson with this link **

Let me know if you have any questions! Thanks for watching!

What you can't see

It seems today, that most everyone I know, is on some form of social media. My Facebook feed is filled with all the latest news headlines, inspirational quotes, friend's vacation pictures, articles about political and social causes, etc., etc. Sometimes, in the midst of all the big personalities, and what seems to be popularity contests between social media contributors, it can be intimidating to post something honest, and personal about myself.  Sometimes it's just easier to keep things simple and post a cute photo, a Bible verse, or an article someone else wrote, or just not share anything at all and just scroll through everyone else's posts.  

We only see the parts of people's lives that they want us to see. It's easy to hide behind a phone or computer screen, and only let people in on the parts of our life that we are willing to expose.  Because of this, I have a love/hate relationship with social media.  I hate it because it seems to have taken away the necessity for really getting to know people on a personal level.  I love it because it does provide us with a platform for sharing things we feel are important for people to know.  I'm going to take advantage of that platform today, to shed some light on something personal to me, in hopes that my story will help someone else.

Based on my social media posts, you might know me as a Pastor's wife and homeschooling mom, who loves Jesus, her family, nature, & her dog. While all of those things are true, there is so much more to me.  There's almost always more to someone than what we see on the surface. From all outward appearances, you could conclude that I'm a healthy, energetic, 36 year old. What you see is the poker face I've spent years perfecting, because it's easier than trying to explain the details of what's really going on inside me so much of the time.

If you've spent any time with me, you probably know that I suffer from chronic migraines, but that's not a rarity, right? After all, migraine statistics estimate that 13% of adults in America suffer from migraines. One reason I tend to keep my health issues private is that I've lived with my condition for so long, that it's quite cumbersome to explain the details to people who really don't seem to want the answers to the questions they ask.  Then comes the frustrating responses when I DO share some of the details.  People say things like, "Oh yeah, I get migraines too, have you tried Excedrin Migraine?" or, "Try putting pressure on your temples for 15 seconds" or, "Have you tried a gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free diet?" or "You just need to try THIS supplement!" It's frustrating, because YES!  Trust me, I've tried it ALL.  The truth is, most days I look fine on the outside, but many days, on the inside, I'm not. 

I have an "invisible illness".

Maybe you do too.

My goal in writing this is to:

  

1. Raise awareness for "invisible illnesses" like mine, because the reality is, some people still don't          have a diagnosis for their chronic condition, or they have been told "it's all in their head".  Maybe        the details of my story will help you find answers to yours.  

2. Be an encouragement and give HOPE to others who might be fighting their own battle with an            invisible illness 

3. Share some "tricks of the trade" with you that I use to help me through my most trying days               (stay tuned for a part 2, that I will call "What's in my bag".)

So, here goes! 

I've had migraines for most of my life.  I started having migraines with vomiting about once a week, when I was 8 years old. Slowly they grew worse and more frequent.  My parents took me to a neurologist where I was diagnosed with chronic migraines and chronic daily headaches.  Over the past 28 years,  I've seen many different doctors - neurologists, eye doctors, dentists, allergists, obgyns, chiropractors, etc.  I've had all kinds of tests, and have been on so many different medications I've lost count. For many years, I was told there was no underlying "cause" for my migraines, other than all of the "normal" migraine triggers like foods, environmental factors, etc.  When my migraines became debilitating (unable to work), I went to yet another neurologist, and was told that I just needed to "get over it", and learn to accept and live with my migraines so that I didn't start "feeling sorry for myself". 

It wasn't until after I had my second child, at age 25, that I finally receive a diagnosis that explained my then 17 years of chronic migraines and an array of other unexplained symptoms.  One summer day, I was outside mowing our yard, when I passed out with the lawn mower still running and my little kids playing nearby.  I don't even know how long I was out, but I awoke to my toddler sitting by me trying to wake me up.  I knew then, that I HAD to find answers for what was really going on. By God's grace, I was referred to an amazing cardiologist who knew just what testing to do! She was able to determine that I have a condition called P.O.T.S. (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). In that moment, all of those years of unexplained symptoms, finally made sense!  Someone finally took the time to get to the bottom of things, and was able to diagnose the problem! Even though there is no cure for POTS, I finally had found a doctor who listened to me, and didn't tell me to just "live with it". 

It's believed that I've had POTS my whole life, but the symptoms of POTS are sometimes masked until they are brought on by something like - a long-term viral illness, surgery with general anesthesia, pregnancy, a traumatic experience...(ALL of which I had prior to my diagnosis) I just never had the correct diagnosis. POTS is a little difficult to explain, but here's brief and limited description from The Dysautonomia Project Book, pg. 164:

"One of the most common forms of dysautonomia, POTS, is a dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system that involves abnormal symptoms in many parts of the body including - abnormal blood flow to the heart, lungs, and brain.  It often involves problems with digestion, temperature regulations, and many other involuntary functions of the body."

One of the main symptoms that POTS presents itself as for me, is debilitating migraines. I've lived for 29 years with chronic migraines.  Throughout the years, I've also been diagnosed with vertigo, TMD/TMJ, chronic endometriosis, chronic bladder/kidney infections, and hormonal imbalance, to name a few. 

Chronic pain has become part of who I am.  

I've always had a desire to be a morning person.  I set my alarm every morning with the best of intentions.  I have plans of getting up an hour or two before the kids, having a cup of coffee, and reading my Bible by the window.  But then morning comes, and sometimes it's impossible to get out of bed.  I slowly and cautiously open my eyes.  I force my jaw open (TMJ locks my jaw up). I barely peek through my eyelids, and as soon as the sunlight from behind the shade hits my eyes, I quickly close them again.  I try to find a comfortable position to ease the jaw and neck pain I awoke with, but to no avail.  If I can manage to bring myself to sit up, I reach for my medicine bag that I keep by my bed, and swallow down a few pills.  I lay there, hoping that the pain and dizziness will fade, just long enough for me to get up and get my kids started on breakfast and school.  (Thank God they are older now and are able to do a lot of things for themselves!)  Sometimes, the pain calms down pretty quickly, and I am able to have a semi-productive day!  Other days, the pain is unrelenting, and I spend most of it in my bed surrounded by ice packs and pillows.  I made this picture (I did not make the drawing in the middle, I only added the words) to show the main symptoms I experience from day-to-day:

Not every day is bad though, praise God!  On days when I open my eyes with no pain behind them, I sit up, and literally say a prayer of THANKS to the Lord, for giving me a pain-free morning!  Sometimes, those mornings turn into a full, pain-free day! Those days are a blessing that are never taken for granted! Sometimes, I wake up feeling wonderful, and it's not until later in the day, that something triggers an episode. It could be something I ate, fluorescent lighting at a store, a change in weather or barometric pressure, bending over too much while cleaning the house, someone's perfume, music that was too loud, a stressful situation, forgetting to take my vitamins, eat enough salt, or drink enough water....the list of triggers is long and tedious.  

I used to be determined to keep track of every single little thing that was a trigger, and tried my best to avoid them all!  But then I realized, there is a difference between a trigger and a cause! A trigger starts something that is already primed to happen, while a cause is the reason for something to happen.  While it IS important to be aware of the triggers that cause a chronic condition to be exacerbated, I've learned that I cannot allow myself to fall into the trap of blaming myself for being the one who "caused" another episode! This is NOT my fault!

I do my best to show up to things, to engage with others, to maintain a clean house, to remember all of my day-to-day responsibilities, to meet the needs of my children, my husband, and my church family - but honestly, some days, it's not easy.  Sometimes I'm not even sure my own family fully understands the pain I tolerate and push through just to be with them.  I don't expect anyone to understand completely; I just want them to know that I try.  

When you feel horrible on the inside but it doesn't show itself on the outside, sometimes people don't believe you are even sick.  They treat you like you are just being dramatic.  Then there's the "one-uppers", who when you mention having a migraine, they feel the need to say something like, "Yeah, I've had a migraine for a week now, I understand".  No.  No, you don't.  Please stop comparing. 

I just want to tell anyone who is struggling with an invisible illness of their own, that while I may not be able to physically feel your pain, I understand.

I understand that there are days you feel like you can't get out of bed, but you do anyway. 

I understand that sometimes people view you as lazy because you weren't able to accomplish what they thought you should.  

I understand cancelled plans. 

I understand the emotional and mental toll that an invisible illness takes on a person.

I understand that people downplay the severity of your pain and sickness.  

I understand the frustration of brain fog and memory loss when you are trying to communicate with others. 

I understand the anxiety and fear that creeps in. 

I understand the desire to engage and be present, but your body won't allow it. 

I understand that no one but YOU can fully understand what you are going through.

But, I'm here.  I believe you.  I see the struggle. I see your strength.  Keep fighting.  I will too....

If you are reading this, and you don't have an invisible illness, please know that just because you can't SEE someone's pain, doesn't mean it isn't real!

Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.  Even when you can't see it....

If it wasn't for my relationship with Jesus Christ, I don't know how I would push through the challenging days. These are some of my favorite Bible verses, that remind me of God's mercy and grace, even in my time of need. I pray they are an encouragement to you today as well, no matter what you're going through!

Stay tuned for part 2 titled "What's in my bag". 

It Is Well

We sang "It is Well" today at church. I decided years ago that I was not going to sing songs as if they are just words on a page; but that I was going to really allow myself to sing them straight from my heart to God. So when we got to the second verse of this song today, I found myself tearing up. 

The lyrics go like this: "Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control; that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed His own blood for my soul". 

I got emotional thinking about how helpless I truly am, especially in the midst of trials and uncertainty. My flesh is weak. I worry. I doubt. I still try to fix things on my own. But God, seeing my weaknesses, and knowing before I was even born, how many times I would fail, still chose to send Jesus to save us - to save ME! 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 

Because of Christ's sacrifice, no matter what we go through in this life, no matter how many times we fail, we can truly say, "It is well with my soul!”

THAT'S good news!

You Are What You Eat

Would you drop your child off at a friend's house to eat a meal twice a week, then starve them at home the other days? Of course not!

Many parents tend to rely on the church to "feed" their children once or twice a week, then spend little to no time teaching them about God at home.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 says, "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.  Repeat them again and again to your children.  Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.  Tie them to your hand and wear them on your forehead as reminders.  Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

Talking about God and teaching our kids about the truths of His Word should be ingrained into every aspect of our lives.  The thing is though, we can't impart what we don't posses. WE have to be spending time in the scriptures and in prayer ourselves, before we can pass anything of value on to your children.  So, the same goes for us parents too.  We have to nourish ourselves!  We can't just attend a church service or Bible study once or twice a week and have the pastor "feed us", and then starve ourselves when we get home.

It is OUR God-given responsibility as parents to discipline, nurture, and disciple our children; and to "train them up" in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6).

Other Christians (Sunday School teachers, Youth Pastors, Awana leaders, etc.) are supposed to serve as allies to the parents, and simply be an echo of what children are already being taught at home.

Final thought: Home-cooked meals are always better!

Matthew 4:4 - It is written, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.

Jeremiah 15:16 - Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts.

A different kind of ghost

Have you ever heard of the term "ghosting"? I'm not talking about something Halloween related, although the timing of that would make sense. I'm talking about something that has to do with relationships.

The dictionary definition I am referring to is: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation, withdrawing from all communication. 

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you were friends with someone, or at least you were beginning to build a friendship with someone, and then all of a sudden, they disappeared from your life with no explanation.  Maybe you tried to reach out to them, but they either ignored your efforts, or made up some sort of excuse for their absence from your life. Maybe they said something like, "I've just been really busy with work lately." You gave it some time, then you tried again to reach out to them, maybe even a few more times. Perhaps at some point, you tried to apologize for anything you might have done to upset or offend them thinking maybe their absence was your fault. And maybe, just maybe, after all of your efforts, you are still left to your own assumptions as to why the relationship ended.

Sound familiar?

I have personally experienced this many times in my own life.  Over the course of my 36 years, I have lost people, who I believed at the time, were going to be "forever friends". I've lost some new friendships that were just beginning to form; and I've even lost some family members to ghosting. It's been said that "time heals all wounds". I don't completely agree with that statement, but I DO know that time has given me the ability to reflect on past relationships and to examine myself.  Through those self-reflection times, I asked God to search my heart and show me if there is any wrong way in me (Psalm 139:23-24), I have been able to, at times, pinpoint some instances where I know I made some mistakes, or times that I probably could have said or done something different.

There were times I realized I played a part in the ghosting response, and so I made attempts to apologize for things I know I was responsible for. I've experienced those apologies being ignored altogether, or the other person had no interest in reconciling the relationship. Sometimes, after asking God to reveal any wrong way in me, I realize that the separation was nothing I personally did or didn't do, the person just wanted to end the relationship with no explanation.  I have learned that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we are just left with unanswered questions....wishing things could be different.

I was "ghosted" again recently.  It's happened to me before, so this time, I could see it coming.  At least I was able to brace myself this time, I guess.  It still hurts though.  I don't think I'll ever get used to losing people I truly care about.

I believe there is an element of grieving that takes place when you lose someone from your life in such an abrupt way.  Sometimes the grief feels very similar to the grief you experience when someone close to you dies - after all, you know you are never going to be able to see or speak to them again.  Except, this pain is different because you know the person is still out there, just refusing to be in your life.

Ghosting can happen to anyone, but we Christians know how to do it really well.  It's as if the "love your neighbor as yourself" command doesn't really apply to us after all. Rather, we only love each other until we have differing views, until someone says something that rubs us the wrong way, or until one is not useful to the other.  As long as we are in agreement with each other, the relationship is solid. Anything short of agreement means abandonment.

I do my best to trust God in all things, but this can be a tough one to trust Him through.  It is hard to understand why God would bring people into our lives, just to take them away so quickly and with such pain attached to their exit.  I want to share with you what I found in scripture that has helped me find peace and comfort in the midst of loss. I know what it's like to lose people, either by death, or by their choosing.  Either way, it hurts.  But God promises to be our comfort in the midst of our pain.

Here are a few verses that have helped me in time of loss:

Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 27:10 - Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.

Deuteronomy 31:6 - Your God, the Lord Himself, will be with you.  He will not fail you or abandon you. 

Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

John 16:33 - "I have told you all this so that you will have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." - Jesus

Rest assured - even when people hurt us, God promises to never leave us.

Now to the ghosters:
Ghosting someone is a selfish, cowardly thing to do. If you have been guilty of ghosting someone, I would encourage you to re-think that decision.  Chances are, the person you bailed on was hurt by your decision to ignore them.  I would like to challenge you to swallow your pride and reach out to the person you abandoned.

I believe that God brings people into our lives even if it is only for a short time.  I am thankful for each person He's put me in contact with, even the "ghosters", because each relationship has helped make me into the person I am today - stronger than I was before.

Even Jesus Wept

It's easy to find fair-weather friends. I've had many. These are friends who will be quick to laugh and celebrate with you when things are going well for you; but those same friends are nowhere to be found when life gets tough.  It's in life's painful circumstances that often times, you find yourself alone in your sadness.  My experience has been that some people just don't seem to know how to respond to someone else's pain for very long, or even at all.  They might be able to tolerate it for a moment, even show a little sympathy by saying something like "sending prayers" or by giving a hug; but then they disappear, leaving you to deal with your hurt...alone.  It's like they view your pain as something outside their "circle", and they just don't want to step out of theirs and into yours.

I found myself in a situation not too long ago where I witnessed a friend in the midst of one of life's terrible storms....one of the scariest I've seen.  She was hurting, and I couldn't help but absorb some of her pain onto myself.  I began crying right along with her as she poured her heart out.  Her hurt became MY hurt.  I felt a pain so deep in my heart for her that it seemed as if the pain was truly my own.  It was then that this verse took on a whole new meaning for me:

"Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." -Romans 12:15

What good are we to people if we aren't willing to step outside of our own worlds long enough to empathize with theirs?  And I mean REALLY empathize, allowing ourselves the freedom to feel what they are feeling in that moment.  Sympathy is "feeling compassion, sorry, or pity for the hardships that another encounters".  Sympathy is a good start, but empathy takes us a step further by putting ourselves in the shoes of another.  Empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of another person.

John 11 tells of a time where Jesus Himself grieved with others. He was at the tomb of a man named Lazarus who had died just a few days prior to Jesus getting there. When He saw Mary and others weeping, "He was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved." (verse 33) Then, in verse 35, it says "Jesus wept."  This was JESUS, God in flesh, who knew He would ultimately raise Lazarus from the dead, yet He took the time to feel the pain of loss surrounding Him!

I have been guilty in the past of trying to detach myself from the pain of others. I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to really listen to people. I want to try to put myself in their shoes, even if that means that I might even feel pain. I want to allow myself to share not only in their laughter, but in their tears.  Then maybe, they will be able to see genuine care and concern that goes beyond sympathy. Maybe they will be able to feel real love in the midst of their suffering...a love that the world doesn't offer.  A Jesus-type love.

DON'T Follow Your Heart

Often times, when we are trying to make a decision, someone will say "You've just got to follow your heart!" The problem with that feel-good creed is that it's nowhere to be found in the Bible.  In fact, the Bible actually tells us something very different.  Jeremiah 17:9 says "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" And in Matthew 15:19, Jesus said "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander." So it sounds to me like following our hearts might not be the wisest thing.  

The truth is, our hearts weren't created to be our leader, but rather to be led; and to be led by the Holy Spirit.  Our hearts can deceive us into thinking that what we FEEL is right, but that isn't always true. We must not be led by our feeling and emotions!  I heard a great quote one time by Patsy Clairmont. She said "Emotions don't have brains."  How true that is! We cannot always trust our feelings. They change like the wind based on our circumstances.  But God NEVER changes. He is constant. He knows what's best for us. So we must learn to trust HIS voice alone.

Romans 8:13-14 says "For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.  For all who are LED BY THE SPIRIT OF GOD are sons of God." 

I want to encourage you today to seek GOD in all things.  Do not follow the advice of the world into "following your heart" unless of course it is the Holy Spirit residing in your heart that you are following!  

Peace to you,

-Amy  

I will not conform!

Shocked. Sickened. Angry.

Those three words best describe the feelings that came over my husband and I this past weekend when our 9 year old brought his ipad to us, to show us the “cool game” I had just minutes before, given him permission to install.  

You guys, I did everything right. I read about the game.  I checked the suggested age for the game (ages 4+).  I even typed in the parental control password we have set, to give my permission to download the game.   Here it is:

It just your basic, "tap the ball carefully through each obstacle and your ball will switch color with some powerups" game.  My son asked my husband to try the game out, so he did. It was colorful and challenging. There was no problem until the advertisement videos for other free games played.  The ads were for a game called "Episode". It's a game that is "supposedly" suitable for ages 12+ (according to who, I'm not sure). I have an 11 year old and I can tell you that she will not be playing it.  I recorded one of the ads to share with you:

In case you can't view the video on your phone, it is two girls kissing.  The one says to the other, "let's keep this between us, ok? and the other says "what is somebody sees us".

Hopefully, that made you just as uncomfortable as it made us.  It should. Even if you don't have children, it should. But for my husband and I, knowing that our 9 year old had just watched that ad, made us more than uncomfortable. It made us angry.  After playing the game a bit longer (by now our son had run off to play outside) it played another video. I'm not going to post the other video, but I'll tell you about it. There was a girl trying to decide if she should  "get a closer look" at a half-naked man posing for a painting, or if she was too shy. There was a woman wearing lingerie saying "I don't look this sexy for nothing", trying to decide if she should wake up her drunk husband or divorce him. And it ended with "Adam and Eve" trying to decide if they should break up or "repopulate the earth". Some might find that funny.  I didn't.  Some might call me a prude. That's fine.  I am just trying to raise my children to know right from wrong, and I'm swimming in an ocean, surrounded by fish going the other direction. 

Whether we want to believe it or not, there is an agenda in our culture.  It's everywhere. It's on our TVs, in movies, magazines, social media, and yes, even in our app stores. There is a whole slew of things that are becoming more and more "acceptable" in our culture today because of the constant, ever present, "in your face" media.  Sex outside of marriage (in all forms), homosexuality, drunkeness, divorce, etc. etc.  Our culture is becoming more and more desensitized to these things. And by "our culture" this sadly, includes our children. Kids are becoming way too "knowledgeable", way too young, thanks to the constant outside influences. 

I'll compare it to the TV show The Walking Dead (yes, I watch it). The very first time I saw a zombie get killed, I jumped. It startled me,  even grossed me out a bit.  But by the 2nd season of the show, I was like "oh look...they're killing another zombie." *yawn* I've gotten used to it.  It doesn't seem scary or gross anymore like it did the first time.  

Unfortunately, the same thing happens with sin.  The more our culture throws sin in our faces at every turn, the more we become "used to it'.  We become more and more comfortable with what we are seeing. It doesn't "gross us out" like it did the first time we saw it.  It becomes an "oh, look...another girl sleeping with her boyfriend" *yawn* mentality...just like the zombies. In fact, so many people have BECOME just that....zombies. 

One of the definitions of the word zombie is: a person who is or appears lifeless, apathethic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings

How fitting.  Sounds like so many Americans to me.

I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to be a zombie.

The Bible says “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that be testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” –Romans 12:2

How do we avoid conforming to the world’s standard? By the renewing of our mind!  We cannot allow our culture to determine our mindset, especially when it comes to sin.

1 Peter 1:13-16 says “Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, ‘You shall be holy for I am holy.’”

Those who are in Christ are to be set apart from the world.  We are to take a stand against sin.  However, in doing so, we will be hated.  Jesus was hated, so why should we expect anything less for ourselves as followers of Him?  In John 15:18-19, Jesus said, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.  If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own, but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”

There have been several people who publically claim to be believers, on social media in the past few weeks, who have said that we as Christians need to be more accepting of certain sins in order to "love people better". To me that is like saying that Jesus didn't know what He was talking about. That our culture has “evolved” and that now we know a better way to love people, so to do that, we need to be more accepting of sin. I disagree. Jesus gave us the blueprints (the Bible) for how to live in the world...even in our world today.  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever! (Hebrews 13:8) The Bible still holds true today, just as it did 2,000 years ago.  

While we may feel like we are fighting an uphill battle against our culture, it is imperative that we still fight.  Our future depends on it.  Our children's futures depend on it.  Don't become complacent in a culture that would love nothing more. Take a stand.  

Please join me in saying "I will not conform!" 

I'm offended!

As I’ve said in past blog posts, I do my best to wait until I have something really pressing on my heart, before I share it publicly. I think sometimes we can over share; and I don’t ever want to write something and then regret it later, or wonder if I should have worded things differently. So I pray over these posts before I publish them. That being said, today, I’d like to talk about something that I see as a huge problem within the body of Christ, all across America, and that is how "we" as believers, handle offenses between our brothers and sisters in Christ. I know this is not a new issue. In fact, I’ve heard many sermons on this very thing. I guess what makes this particular problem come to the surface for me is that over the past couple of years, I’ve personally witnessed and experienced far too many mishandled situations when it comes to how the church goes about reconciling (or not reconciling) Christian relationships.

I want you to notice that in this post, I am referring to believers being sinned against. I’m not talking about our unbelieving friends, and I’m not talking about ‘feeling’ offended because someone has “rubbed us the wrong way”. I’m talking about when another believer sins against us, how we are to handle it. 

So what do we do when we feel that someone has sinned against us? The very first thing we should do is PRAY.  Before we even consider confronting someone about their sin, we need to seek God and ask Him to show us any sin in our own life. Through our prayer time, we should ask Him to show us the next step we are to take.  We must not react immediately in our flesh, because sometimes our flesh is wrong; but rather we are to seek the Spirit's guidance first.  In 2 Timothy 2:23, Paul says: "Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.  And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will." 

The goal between Christians, should always be repentance and reconciliation.  There should be no selfish or prideful spirit in us when approaching a brother or sister in Christ who has sinned against us.

The Bible has given us instructions for how to handle this issue.  Allow me to share Jesus' words with you:

In Matthew 18:15-18, Jesus said:

15. “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

I think Jesus’ words were pretty clear when he described the order of how things are supposed to go down when another believer sins against us. To me, this is not a “grey” or confusing issue. It is a straightforward, 3 step process, in which it seems to me that the best-case-scenario would be to try to attempt to reconcile during step 1. However, we all know that is not how things always go, due to the fact that reconciliation is an act between TWO people. Unfortunately, we cannot control the response of the other person. Let’s look a little further into step 1.

First, Jesus said “If your brother sins against you, GO and tell HIM his fault, between you and him ALONE.”

That means that we are to GO to the person directly who has sinned against us. Jesus didn’t say to go talk to another friend, or to another church member, or even to the pastor!! Jesus said to go to HIM and keep it between you and him ALONE. If the person listens and repents, then we are to forgive. (In Matthew 6:14-15 Jesus said: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”)

Seems pretty straightforward to me. However, in our churches today, people like to disguise gossip as “prayer requests”, or go to others for “advice” about how to handle a grievance with someone. I believe there are several reasons why it is best to keep things between the two people involved, but for the sake of time, let’s just say the reason is because Jesus told us to!

Unfortunately, because of our sinful nature, often times, we would rather gossip and damage our brother’s (or sister’s) reputation, than confront him/her in private. It’s ironic to me that while the thought of confronting a brother or sister in Christ might produce feelings of fear or anxiety, they do not seem to fear telling all of their friends about the offense! Instead, the gossip is somehow justified by the gossiper, and often times disguised to others as artificial care and concern.

Jesus obviously knew that not every situation would be reconciled between the two people involved, so he went on further to step 2.

Verse 16 says: “But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.”

Notice, there is an order to this. We are only supposed to move on to step 2 AFTER step 1 and only IF he/she does not listen to you when you go alone. We don’t START the process with step 2. And we don’t move to step 2 just because we are uncomfortable with step 1. We move on to step 2 IF he/she does not listen. If that is the result, THEN we are to take one or two others along so that there may be witnesses of the reconciliation process, (or so that they may witness the lack of repentance from the person being accused of sinning).

That brings us to step 3.

Vs 17. “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

This does not mean that after an unsuccessful step 2, we are to take the person before the entire congregation and announce the sin to a 1,000+ people (which is the number of church attendees in some congregations today). The more logical step to take, would be to take them before a larger group of believers within the church. If the church is in agreement that a sin has in fact been committed, then a 3rd opportunity to repent should be offered. If the offender STILL refuses to repent and be reconciled, then, after the church has used discernment through prayer and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, then, and only then, should the church dismiss him/her from the body. This doesn't mean that we no longer care for and pray for the person, we should still pray for them to seek God and repent, however, we are to cut ties with them.

There is one more thing I want to say about forgiveness. If at any point in this process, the offender repents, we MUST FORGIVE!! Right after Jesus speaks, Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive a brother who sins against him. Jesus replied “seventy-seven times”. Matthew 18:21

Why so many times? Because we have absolutely no excuse to withhold forgiveness from someone after all Jesus has forgiven US! He forgives us over and over and over, and we are to do the same with a repentant brother or sister in Christ.

Let me ask you, is this how you see things handled in the church today? If it’s not, it’s time to start holding our fellow Christians responsible. This is a weighty issue that has the potential to have either a positive or negative ETERNAL impact! If handled correctly, the impact could be forgiveness and reconciliation not only to the believers involved, but to God. If handled in the flesh, the consequences could be devastating, not only to the body of believers as a whole, but to the individuals involved.

Has someone sinned against you? Have you sinned against someone else? Go today and seek to reconcile! It was important enough for Jesus to talk about it. It should be just as important to us as believers as well. 

And please….when you go, begin with step 1.

No longer a slave!

I have a story to share with you. I hope you will take the time to read it, as I believe so many people can probably relate to the topic I'm writing about this time - FEAR.

On September 2, 2015, we had our very first Wednesday night Gathering for the church my husband and I came to Collinsville to plant.  The very next weekend, I attended a Beth Moore Simulcast with a good friend of mine.  Except for knowing each other, we were in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people around us.  The great thing about gathering with other believers though, is that you don't have to know each other to worship God together.  

That morning, Beth spoke about having AUDACITY.  She talked about having the WILLINGNESS to take bold risks for God, and that audacity doesn't mean being fearLESS, but rather it means having the guts to do whatever it is God is calling you to do, anyway, regardless of your fear. One of the songs that we sang together after she spoke that morning, was a song called "No Longer Slaves". Here are some of the lyrics:

You unravel me, with a melody

You surround me with a song

Of deliverance, from my enemies

Till all my fears are gone

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

From my mothers womb

You have chosen me

Love has called my name

I've been born again, into your family

Your blood flows through my veins...

As I was singing those words, God spoke something to me that was very clear, yet slightly overwhelming.  Not only did He show me that I had a problem with fear in my own life that I needed to give Him control of, He also showed me something that He was calling me to DO, that would require me to overcome some fears I had carried with me all my life. 

I've always had a fear of speaking to large groups of people.  However, I was able to face that fear, when I was given the opportunity to speak to the teens in our youth group on a couple of occasions, and to be one of the speakers at a couple of women's events we had at our church.  However, on this day at the simulcast, I knew what He was telling me to do, and it was not something I WANTED to do (is it ever??) He told me to SING! In front of people! And not just sing, PLAY THE PIANO!  And that I was to one day play for the people of our church!

Now, you must know, I had NEVER sang in front of people as an adult, and the last time I played the piano, was when I was in grade school! I don't even think I got past book #2 before I quit playing!  The memories I had of playing the piano, didn't go much further than "chopsticks". I couldn't even remember how to read music! Why in the WORLD would He want me to play now? And HOW was I supposed to learn?  I prayed a lot that day...and in the next few days that followed.  I finally settled in my heart, that if nothing else, I was going to learn the song I had heard at the Simulcast!  Maybe THAT would be "enough". 

We had a "beginner-type" keyboard at our house that my dad had given the kids several years prior.  I set it up, sat down, and just stared at the keys, with no idea where to even begin. I prayed "God, if you want me to do this, YOU are going to have to be my teacher!"

I prayed every day after that for God to just take my hands and teach me how to play. I messed around with that little keyboard here and there, until finally I decided I was ready to buy an "upgrade" so that I could expand my playing a little.  Very slowly, day by day, I started learning to play some songs....including the song from the simulcast, No Longer Slaves!  I DID IT!  And I must say, I felt so accomplished!  Until....God reminded me of what He spoke to me that day at that Beth Moore Simulcast....that I was to play for the people of our church.

I remember praying "Ok, God...I know you want me to play and sing for the people You have brought into our home each Wednesday, but HOW is that supposed to even work?  Afterall, I'm downstairs teaching the kids every week (1st argument). Maybe You could just bring someone into our home that can play and sing better than I can (2nd argument)?? There are so many people that are WAAAY more talented than I am (3rd argument). Are you SURE I can't just play for my own worship time (4th argument)?"  Still, after all my arguing, I felt like He was telling me to face my fear, stop comparing myself to others, and just obey Him. To be AUDACIOUS! 

So....I did.  I finally faced my fear, and goodness gracious was I a ball of nerves!  I played for the very first time this week (May 25th) at our Family Gathering.  With a living room full of adults and children, I played and I sang.  As soon as I started playing, the words got blurry on the page, and I could feel my face turning red, and a rush of nervousness came over me. But in that moment, I heard His voice saying "just obey me." So, I pushed through my pounding heart and shaky voice, and I did what He had told me to do back at the Simulcast. 

I have no idea what He is going to lead me to do in the future concerning my playing, and I still have SO much to learn, but what I DO know, is that all God was asking of me was to be obedient and step out of the boat, right into the waves of my fear, and trust Him. 

What about you?  What is He asking YOU to do that you are fearful of?  Remember, audacity is the WILLINGNESS to take bold risks.  God can use your willingness!  You don't have to be fearless, just willing!  Be BOLD! He's not going to tell you to do something and then let you fall flat on your face.  He's got you, just trust Him!

He's proven Himself faithful to me time and time again, and now I can say - I'm no longer a slave....

I need my GPS!

I have no trouble admitting that I'm terrible with driving directions. I got my first GPS around the time I first started driving, and since then, I have become very reliant on it. The truth is, I can barely go anywhere without it! Sad, I know, but it's my reality. Without my GPS, I would have ended up in some scary places I had no business being in! 

This past Wednesday marked 6 months since our very first Remedy Church gathering in our home! Since moving to Collinsville last April, we have learned so many things! We didn't know very much when we moved here about God's plan for us, except that we were supposed to move and plant a church. Beyond that, the details were "TBD". 

Planting a church on your own can be a very scary, lonely thing. A lot of people who set out to plant a church, go, knowing that they have a support system offering prayer & encouragement. Other than our immediate family (which I am SO thankful for) we were on our own. We didn't have anyone giving up tips, tools, or advice. I can see now that even that was all part of God's plan to ready us for what He was calling us to do. I believe He needed to get us alone so that we could listen clearly for HIS voice. 

That being said, when you don't have crystal clear direction starting out, you tend to just step out into the unknown and hope for the best. We prayed A LOT before making any decisions or taking any action; but even through all of our praying, we never really felt like God was giving us specific details on what we were to do. We had visions of what we thought He wanted us to do once we got to Collinsville, but nothing seemed very concrete. Through much prayer, we felt very strongly about the WHERE and the WHO of His plan for us, but we just couldn't pinpoint the WHAT and the HOW. So, we set our "GPS" to the WHERE, and we started heading in that direction. Different opportunities arose, and a couple of times we thought we had "arrived", only to hear the GPS (the Holy Spirit) say "RECALCULATING". It was frustrating and disorienting at times, especially since we knew we had input the correct destination. We knew where we were supposed to go and who we were supposed to help, but road blocks kept appearing in our path! It seemed like at every intersection, we would run into yet another blockade. However, we knew we were on the right road, so we kept putting our faith and trust in God - the voice and guide behind everything we endeavour to do. 

This past week, we got an incredible answer to our prayers! Our GPS finally zoomed in on a solid destination! We now have an exact location! We also have some answers to the "what" and even some of the "how"! There is a lot of work ahead of us, but we are determined to follow the Spirit's directions along the way, because we know He is the ONLY one who can get us to where He wants us to go, and help us do what He has called us here to do. 

When you are trying to follow God's leading, there can be some painful stops and lessons along the way, but I want to encourage you! When you come to a roadblock in your own journey, remember this...He may have to recalculate you a few times to get you exactly where He wants you to be, but if you are sensitive to the Spirit's leading, when you get there, you will hear the words "You have arrived at your destination!" and everything you have gone through to get there will be worth it!

Precious Moments

Hello, friends. I don't even have the right words to describe how special this Wednesday was for me.... 

Before I go into why, I feel there are some things I need to catch my readers up on (I am attempting to improve on my blogging frequency)! I can't believe I have not given an update since our move to Illinois!  Part of the reason for the lack of writing has been that God has been doing SO MUCH in my life personally, that sometimes I have a hard time getting it all on "paper".  So much of what He does is hard for me to put into words.  That being said, here goes my attempt at a quick, super-condensed Kimbrell family update:

2009: We moved from Ferguson to Troy, MO. (my hometown) with no plans, other than to own a home in a town that felt more “country”. Within 2 weeks of moving, we found a church home! 

2011: Kory became the Youth Pastor/Associate Pastor at that church. We poured our hearts into everything we did for and with the teens. We couldn’t imagine doing anything else!

2014: While still serving at the church in Troy, MO., God clearly spoke to Kory that we were to move to Collinsville, IL (his hometown) to start a "Missional Community" church.

March 15, 2015: We obeyed God and left our church in Troy, MO (our house had not yet sold and Kory was to soon be unemployed, but we trusted God’s leading) By the way, there is so much MORE to this story, but I’ll have to leave that to another time….

April 23, 2015: We simultaneously closed on our house in Troy and our new house in Collinsville, IL! (most stressful day of my life to date, I might add!)

May 31, 2015: Kory got a call to preach as an interim pastor at a church in State Park, IL (5 min from our new house).    

June 15-19: We volunteered to help with the church's VBS.  We had a BLAST with the kids and God quickly put  an overwhelming passion in our hearts for the people of State Park, IL. (details on that passion to come at a later date)

July 19, 2015: After 8 weeks of preaching/serving at the church in State Park, God ended our time there, so that we could carry on with what He sent us to Collinsville to do - plant a new church.  

Sept 2, 2015: We had our very first "Family Gathering" for Remedy Church (the name God gave us before coming to Illinois) in our home, and we've been meeting every Wednesday since! 

Sept 9, 2015: After we had our very first "gathering" in our home with everyone, I quickly realized the children needed to have something to call their own as well!  The very next week I began teaching the kids in our basement. Here is a picture of our first “Remedy Kids” group!

Each Wednesday, I get to spend my evening with some awesome kiddos!! We worship God with singing and dancing, we make a craft, have a snack, and play games.  But after taking a vote from the kids, their favorite part of the night each week is the Bible Story!  They love it because everyone gets to play a role in the story! I never expected to have so many fun actors/actresses! :-)  We make each story “come to life” so that they leave having a practically understanding of how God worked in people’s lives long ago, and how He can work in their lives today as well. We have a BLAST!  

For the first 5 weeks, our theme was "changed from the inside out". We talked about Paul and how God took him from being a persecutor of Christians, to someone who followed and obeyed God no matter how hard it was. 

Now we are learning about Daniel, and how his everyday choices mattered, and so do ours!
Here are a few more pictures of our past weeks together.

And then there was this week (11/18/15).  There were several kids missing from our group for various reasons, but I believe having this small group allowed us to talk and share together on a more personal level. Like every week we did our story/skit together, but this week, something interesting happened.  After the story, the kids started sharing about all types of things they are dealing with at school, at home, etc.  Then the topic of prayer came up. I always encourage the kids to be honest in their responses, and to not just give me the "right" answer, or the answer they think I want to hear. Last night every one of them opened up about how they truly feel about prayer. They shared their questions, their fears, their thoughts about God, etc. What these kids shared in front of each other, was mind blowing to me. They had some really heavy stories and questions. After we talked, I asked them all to come sit with me on the floor. I planned on praying for them as a group, but they quickly spoke up and said they wanted to go around the circle and pray individually! I was taken back, not only by their desire to pray, but by the sincerity of their prayers. They weren't rehearsed, they weren't memorized, they were on-the-spot, true & honest prayers. Several of the kids who come on Wed nights, do not have spiritual guidance at home, so to see what I saw this week, was very encouraging to me. They care so deeply for their parents and their friends and family, and want so badly for THEM to know God - and they prayed for that! After being in youth ministry (with teenagers) for several years, and then moving to Collinsville to plant a church, and meeting so many adults, it never even crossed my mind that I would be spending such valuable time with these young kids each week. God knew though. I believe He ordained each of these moments and oh how precious they are....

I look forward to each week, knowing that I get to share Jesus with these amazing kids!  God is moving and working in the adults each week as well!
Friends, trust me when I say….if God is leading you to do something, DO IT!  It is worth every struggle, every trial, every doubt….

It is in these PRECIOUS MOMENTS, that I see God’s faithfulness, and know that HE IS GOOD!