Lessons in Friendships

You need to be transparent and vulnerable”, they say. 

“You need to let people get to know the real you”. 

You get it. Those ideas seem legit, so you give it a try. You try out the “friendship thing”. You try to get to know someone and let them get to know you. You tiptoe into the waters of trust. You invest. You care - A LOT. You start to let them see your true feelings, opinions, and emotions. You start to feel a sense of loyalty from them, and so you feel like it’s safe to reciprocate. After some more time passes, you decide you really CAN show your true-self, flaws and all. Finally! This actually feels like a genuine friendship! You are all in now. You may even think, “Wow, I’m glad to took the risk. This is a solid friendship.” You start to relax. You feel like you matter to someone and they matter to you.

Then it comes. Unexpectedly. The thing you dreaded from the start. The reason you’ve always had a hard time letting your guard down. Betrayal. That one word carries a lot with it.  Maybe lies were told, maybe gossip was spread, maybe slander played a part. No matter what form it takes, it's painful. Or maybe, suddenly, something causes them to just exit your life, just as easy as they entered. You don’t even really know why. They give a reason that doesn’t make sense, or worse yet, they give no reason at all. Maybe they didn’t really like the “real you”. After all, you aren’t like them. But how could you be? You are YOU. Maybe you no longer meet their expectations. Maybe your honesty brings too much challenge. You want to work through the challenges, but unfortunately, they don’t. It’s easier for them to just walk away. Maybe you met their needs for a time, but now they don’t need you anymore. 

You find yourself back at the beginning. Square one. Except, not really, because this beginning doesn't come with a "clean slate". This time, you start over with more hurt, more scars, more walls for the next potential friend to run into.

Relationships are difficult.

Allowing ourselves to trust another person requires courage. Knowing when to take a step back, and be guarded requires wisdom. Stepping out again and again after being hurt, requires bravery.

Thankfully, we have someone we can FULLY trust. Someone who will never walk away. Jesus. Yes, to me, His name is a complete sentence, because He is EVERYTHING I need and so much more. He experienced more pain and betrayal in His life on earth, than I could ever begin to imagine. Yet, even still, even through all of the pain, He willingly gave up His life, so that we might live. He loved us that much!

I’m still trying to learn what it really means to love my neighbor as myself (Matthew 22:39), to really forgive others (Colossians 3:13) to trust, yet guard my heart in the process (Proverbs 4:23). But one thing I know without a doubt, is that I have a God who will never leave me (Deuteronomy 31:6) and He sticks closer to me than a brother (or any friend) ever could (Proverbs 18:24).