On the 6th day of November, twenty-one years
ago today, I felt a pain so deep, I wasn’t sure how I would ever recover
from it. I had just turned 17 a few days
before, and I couldn’t imagine how I would live the rest of my life without my
mom. The permanence of her being gone was setting in and becoming my new
reality. The thought of her not being there to see me graduate, get married, or
have kids, hit me so hard that it felt like physical pain deep inside my heart. All the while, in
the midst of my grief, time kept moving forward, the way it does for
everyone. At first, the hours crept by as they slowly turned into days. Then months turned into years. Then years turned into what has now been decades. Time has a sneaky way of slowly pulling
things further and further out of view.
Memories that were once so vivid to me are now blurry and thin.
I have learned so much with the passing of time though.
I’ve learned that grief is a process, and it’s different for everyone.
We all find different ways to cope. Some ways are healthy, others not so much, but
we cope nonetheless.
Everyone moves through grief at their own pace. There are no set time limits, and there are
no guarantees of how quickly one will heal.
But, healing DOES come.
Scabs do form over the wounds with time, and scars are
left in their place.
We trudge through our grief the best we know how. Sometimes
with help, other times alone.
I’ve learned that there is no perfect family.
No perfect person.
No perfect marriage.
No perfect parent.
No perfect child.
No perfect life.
However, in the midst of all the imperfections, I have a
perfect God who has been with me all along.
Through times of happiness and ease, to times of grief and heartache –
He’s been with me through it all, and He is absolutely trustworthy. He will NEVER leave
me. Ever. And nothing can separate me
from His love (Romans 8:38-39).
Some other things I’ve learned are:
Tomorrow is not a guarantee. I know we’ve all heard that
before, but it’s true. Make today count
for something.
Love others to the best
of your imperfect ability.
Keep old traditions
(and make new ones!) because those are the things that become memories later.
I
started a new tradition last year with my kids (it’s never too late!). We drink tea out of fancy tea cups on my mom’s
birthday and Heaven-day (and lots of days in between) because she liked fancy
tea parties, because it’s just one small way I can remember her, and because I
want MY kids to remember having tea with me too! So really, go ahead and have the tea, or coffee, or whatever else you want to share with the people you love. Make time for making those little memories. They may not seem like much now, but trust me - years from now, they will mean a lot to someone.
Lastly, I wanted to share a song I recently found by
CityAlight that encouraged me and I hope encourages you. Just in case you are unable to view the video, here are some of the lyrics:
“Though the dread of night overwhelms my soul, He is here
with me, I am not alone.
O His love is sure, and He knows my name, for my God is
the Ancient of Days.
None above Him, none before Him all of time in His hands.
For His throne it shall remain and ever stand. All the power, all the glory, I will trust in His name,
for my God is the Ancient of Days.
Though I may not see what the future brings, I will watch
and wait for the Savior King. Then my joy complete, standing face to face in
the presence of the Ancient of Days…”
If you are going
through a hard time right now, I pray God gives you peace and comfort only He
can give. Blessings, friends!
