You Are What You Eat

Would you drop your child off at a friend's house to eat a meal twice a week, then starve them at home the other days? Of course not!

Many parents tend to rely on the church to "feed" their children once or twice a week, then spend little to no time teaching them about God at home.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 says, "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.  Repeat them again and again to your children.  Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.  Tie them to your hand and wear them on your forehead as reminders.  Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

Talking about God and teaching our kids about the truths of His Word should be ingrained into every aspect of our lives.  The thing is though, we can't impart what we don't posses. WE have to be spending time in the scriptures and in prayer ourselves, before we can pass anything of value on to your children.  So, the same goes for us parents too.  We have to nourish ourselves!  We can't just attend a church service or Bible study once or twice a week and have the pastor "feed us", and then starve ourselves when we get home.

It is OUR God-given responsibility as parents to discipline, nurture, and disciple our children; and to "train them up" in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6).

Other Christians (Sunday School teachers, Youth Pastors, Awana leaders, etc.) are supposed to serve as allies to the parents, and simply be an echo of what children are already being taught at home.

Final thought: Home-cooked meals are always better!

Matthew 4:4 - It is written, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.

Jeremiah 15:16 - Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts.

A different kind of ghost

Have you ever heard of the term "ghosting"? I'm not talking about something Halloween related, although the timing of that would make sense. I'm talking about something that has to do with relationships.

The dictionary definition I am referring to is: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation, withdrawing from all communication. 

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you were friends with someone, or at least you were beginning to build a friendship with someone, and then all of a sudden, they disappeared from your life with no explanation.  Maybe you tried to reach out to them, but they either ignored your efforts, or made up some sort of excuse for their absence from your life. Maybe they said something like, "I've just been really busy with work lately." You gave it some time, then you tried again to reach out to them, maybe even a few more times. Perhaps at some point, you tried to apologize for anything you might have done to upset or offend them thinking maybe their absence was your fault. And maybe, just maybe, after all of your efforts, you are still left to your own assumptions as to why the relationship ended.

Sound familiar?

I have personally experienced this many times in my own life.  Over the course of my 36 years, I have lost people, who I believed at the time, were going to be "forever friends". I've lost some new friendships that were just beginning to form; and I've even lost some family members to ghosting. It's been said that "time heals all wounds". I don't completely agree with that statement, but I DO know that time has given me the ability to reflect on past relationships and to examine myself.  Through those self-reflection times, I asked God to search my heart and show me if there is any wrong way in me (Psalm 139:23-24), I have been able to, at times, pinpoint some instances where I know I made some mistakes, or times that I probably could have said or done something different.

There were times I realized I played a part in the ghosting response, and so I made attempts to apologize for things I know I was responsible for. I've experienced those apologies being ignored altogether, or the other person had no interest in reconciling the relationship. Sometimes, after asking God to reveal any wrong way in me, I realize that the separation was nothing I personally did or didn't do, the person just wanted to end the relationship with no explanation.  I have learned that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we are just left with unanswered questions....wishing things could be different.

I was "ghosted" again recently.  It's happened to me before, so this time, I could see it coming.  At least I was able to brace myself this time, I guess.  It still hurts though.  I don't think I'll ever get used to losing people I truly care about.

I believe there is an element of grieving that takes place when you lose someone from your life in such an abrupt way.  Sometimes the grief feels very similar to the grief you experience when someone close to you dies - after all, you know you are never going to be able to see or speak to them again.  Except, this pain is different because you know the person is still out there, just refusing to be in your life.

Ghosting can happen to anyone, but we Christians know how to do it really well.  It's as if the "love your neighbor as yourself" command doesn't really apply to us after all. Rather, we only love each other until we have differing views, until someone says something that rubs us the wrong way, or until one is not useful to the other.  As long as we are in agreement with each other, the relationship is solid. Anything short of agreement means abandonment.

I do my best to trust God in all things, but this can be a tough one to trust Him through.  It is hard to understand why God would bring people into our lives, just to take them away so quickly and with such pain attached to their exit.  I want to share with you what I found in scripture that has helped me find peace and comfort in the midst of loss. I know what it's like to lose people, either by death, or by their choosing.  Either way, it hurts.  But God promises to be our comfort in the midst of our pain.

Here are a few verses that have helped me in time of loss:

Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 27:10 - Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.

Deuteronomy 31:6 - Your God, the Lord Himself, will be with you.  He will not fail you or abandon you. 

Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

John 16:33 - "I have told you all this so that you will have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." - Jesus

Rest assured - even when people hurt us, God promises to never leave us.

Now to the ghosters:
Ghosting someone is a selfish, cowardly thing to do. If you have been guilty of ghosting someone, I would encourage you to re-think that decision.  Chances are, the person you bailed on was hurt by your decision to ignore them.  I would like to challenge you to swallow your pride and reach out to the person you abandoned.

I believe that God brings people into our lives even if it is only for a short time.  I am thankful for each person He's put me in contact with, even the "ghosters", because each relationship has helped make me into the person I am today - stronger than I was before.

Even Jesus Wept

It's easy to find fair-weather friends. I've had many. These are friends who will be quick to laugh and celebrate with you when things are going well for you; but those same friends are nowhere to be found when life gets tough.  It's in life's painful circumstances that often times, you find yourself alone in your sadness.  My experience has been that some people just don't seem to know how to respond to someone else's pain for very long, or even at all.  They might be able to tolerate it for a moment, even show a little sympathy by saying something like "sending prayers" or by giving a hug; but then they disappear, leaving you to deal with your hurt...alone.  It's like they view your pain as something outside their "circle", and they just don't want to step out of theirs and into yours.

I found myself in a situation not too long ago where I witnessed a friend in the midst of one of life's terrible storms....one of the scariest I've seen.  She was hurting, and I couldn't help but absorb some of her pain onto myself.  I began crying right along with her as she poured her heart out.  Her hurt became MY hurt.  I felt a pain so deep in my heart for her that it seemed as if the pain was truly my own.  It was then that this verse took on a whole new meaning for me:

"Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." -Romans 12:15

What good are we to people if we aren't willing to step outside of our own worlds long enough to empathize with theirs?  And I mean REALLY empathize, allowing ourselves the freedom to feel what they are feeling in that moment.  Sympathy is "feeling compassion, sorry, or pity for the hardships that another encounters".  Sympathy is a good start, but empathy takes us a step further by putting ourselves in the shoes of another.  Empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of another person.

John 11 tells of a time where Jesus Himself grieved with others. He was at the tomb of a man named Lazarus who had died just a few days prior to Jesus getting there. When He saw Mary and others weeping, "He was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved." (verse 33) Then, in verse 35, it says "Jesus wept."  This was JESUS, God in flesh, who knew He would ultimately raise Lazarus from the dead, yet He took the time to feel the pain of loss surrounding Him!

I have been guilty in the past of trying to detach myself from the pain of others. I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to really listen to people. I want to try to put myself in their shoes, even if that means that I might even feel pain. I want to allow myself to share not only in their laughter, but in their tears.  Then maybe, they will be able to see genuine care and concern that goes beyond sympathy. Maybe they will be able to feel real love in the midst of their suffering...a love that the world doesn't offer.  A Jesus-type love.

DON'T Follow Your Heart

Often times, when we are trying to make a decision, someone will say "You've just got to follow your heart!" The problem with that feel-good creed is that it's nowhere to be found in the Bible.  In fact, the Bible actually tells us something very different.  Jeremiah 17:9 says "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" And in Matthew 15:19, Jesus said "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander." So it sounds to me like following our hearts might not be the wisest thing.  

The truth is, our hearts weren't created to be our leader, but rather to be led; and to be led by the Holy Spirit.  Our hearts can deceive us into thinking that what we FEEL is right, but that isn't always true. We must not be led by our feeling and emotions!  I heard a great quote one time by Patsy Clairmont. She said "Emotions don't have brains."  How true that is! We cannot always trust our feelings. They change like the wind based on our circumstances.  But God NEVER changes. He is constant. He knows what's best for us. So we must learn to trust HIS voice alone.

Romans 8:13-14 says "For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.  For all who are LED BY THE SPIRIT OF GOD are sons of God." 

I want to encourage you today to seek GOD in all things.  Do not follow the advice of the world into "following your heart" unless of course it is the Holy Spirit residing in your heart that you are following!  

Peace to you,

-Amy